A Choice With No Regrets
by Nana-41175
Summary: *COMPLETE!* How will a thug from the royal capital be able to walk forward alongside Humanity's Strongest, especially when the thug is a woman in disguise and in love with the Commander? Fem!Levi x Erwin Smith. *EPILOGUE UP!*
1. Chapter 1

**A Choice With No Regrets**

 _ **Attack on Titan fanfiction**_

 **By**

 **Blue Sonnet (Nana_41175)**

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** Please note that this story has fem!Levi and deals with the issues of forced marriage and fake relationships. It's a historical AU set in a different frame, where the military observes a rigid and traditional structure that bars women from enlisting as soldiers. The story is based on Aivelin's fabulous book cover which can be seen in my Tumblr.

Enjoy!

* * *

 **Chapter One**

It was only a matter of time before Levi's luck ran out, and when the time finally came, things had become too complicated— with the Corps, with Erwin, with everything; but then, life was never kind to Levi.

Things could rapidly unravel during an expedition outside the walls. In Levi's case, the injury incurred was not even due to a rampaging titan, but to a shower of falling debris steep in shards of glass and flying shrapnels of wood.

"You're bleeding," cried Hange, and it was only then that Levi looked down and saw the blood, rapidly blossoming, like a red flower. There was so much blood, it was unbelievable. Levi's fingers came away all slick with red. That was when the pain struck.

"Don't," said Levi, collapsing on the cobbled streets even as Hange hurried over to staunch the flow of blood. " _Don't_ touch me."

"Levi, the wound is deep," warned Hange, hurrying to strip Levi of jacket and shirt to use as a pressure bandage when their hands were insufficient. "I won't be able to help you if I can't see it properly. Stop fighting me!"

Black was rapidly encroaching on Levi's vision, but panic made Levi strike out at Hange's hands. _They musn't see. Nobody must know._

"Musn't…see…" muttered Levi, finally succumbing to unconsciousness.

* * *

For a while, there was only darkness and a deep silence before the strange, inarticulate noises began to intrude on Levi's consciousness. Little by little, the muffled voices began to make sense as Levi gradually resurfaced.

"Hey, she's awake."

Levi blinked uncertainly, and the vague colored shapes looming above gradually coalesced into Hange's bespectacled face as they peered down at Levi.

Levi's voice was a dry croak: "Where…?"

"Base hospital," Hange said, sitting down on a chair beside Levi's bed. "We got you into surgery just in time."

Hange watched as Levi lifted a hand to touch the bandages wrapped tight around the abdominal area, and they actually smiled as Levi, as though suddenly remembering, jerked a hand upward to check the bandages wrapped even tighter around the chest. They were still there.

"I've got to say, Levi," said Hange wryly, nodding at Levi's bound chest. "That was some secret you were nursing there."

 _Was._

Levi's tongue was dry as it ran over equally dry lips. "Who knows?"

Hange's voice was apologetic as they said, "we had to do first aid on you in the field, then we had get you into surgery, so…"

"Just fucking answer the question, Hange."

For a moment that sounded so much like the old Levi that Hange obliged, "a lot of people, I can imagine. It's not something that can be kept a secret, after all."

Hange's gaze was unbearably soft as they took in Levi's face, the wide eyes, and said, "I'm sorry, Levi."

"Erwin?"

"Of course. In fact, he's been over to see you while you were asleep. I suspect you'd want to speak to him, tell him everything."

Levi did _not_ want to see him.

Hange stood up. "In fact, I'll go get him now. He did give orders to be informed when you've awakened."

"Wait, Hange!"

But Hange was gone, leaving Levi inside the bare hospital room with a nurse. Judging from her awkward stance at the foot of the bed, it seemed she knew, too.

Everyone knew.

" _Fuck,"_ whispered Levi as she turned her head to burrow deeper into the pillow.

* * *

Erwin- that bastard- did not come immediately, nor within the hour, and Levi was finally dozing off, facing the wall and with her back to the room, when she suddenly felt the bed mattress dip beside her. Levi froze as she felt a large, firm hand on her shoulder, turning her over. She jerked once, hissing in pain as it shot through her abdomen, but it was nothing compared to the shock of seeing Erwin, sitting on her bed. He was so close that she could only see his face. She had not even heard the door open.

The nurse had gone; perhaps Erwin had dismissed her. They were the only ones in the room. There was no greeting, no words exchanged as Erwin turned urgent fingers to Levi's shirt, quickly undoing the buttons.

"What are you doing? Stop it, Erwin!" cried Levi, weakly grasping at her rumpled shirt and trying to pull the gaping vee shut, but Erwin's hands were relentless as he swept aside her fingers, revealing once again the bound chest and her true identity, so carefully hidden all these months.

Levi flushed hard as she stared at Erwin's grim features, the intense blue eyes ablaze with something like anger, but not surprise. She opened her mouth to speak, but he was ahead of her: "They will be coming for you any minute now, Levi. They're already here. They will take you away and I am going to do everything I can to stop them. Do you trust me?"

Mutely, Levi nodded.

"Don't say anything, just follow my lead."

"Erwin—"

"Later. There will be time later, Levi," Erwin said, his voice incredibly gentle, "but right now you must allow me to take certain liberties."

Barely ten minutes passed and the Military Police did arrive, filing into Levi's room without so much as knocking, only to find Commander Erwin perched on the patient's bed and tenderly holding her hand.

The sight was enough to stop Nile Dok in his tracks.

"Erwin! For the love of god. You do realize what the Captain– Levi–" Nile began. Words seemed to desert him rapidly as outrage took over and he gestured at Levi with a contemptuous hand.

"I do realize," Erwin replied evenly. "I always have."

Levi's eyes widened as she turned her head sharply to regard him, ignoring the throb of pain deep in her belly. The ice-cold feeling running down her spine was much worse. Something was going on; something big was at the end of the thread of lies that Erwin was industriously weaving, but would it be enough to throw off the likes of the Military Police?

"Then surely you realize the many rules you've broken by taking a woman into the Corps!" roared Nile. "She can't remain within the ranks–"

"But she can," Erwin murmured, maintaining the quiet, unhurried tone with a hint of steely authority that Levi knew so well, "because we are betrothed."

There was a short silence as the group stood thunderstruck several feet away from Levi's bed. Levi stared at Erwin, unable to believe her ears. She would have torn her hand away if his grip were not so tight.

Nile stared at Erwin, then at Levi before going back to Erwin again. "You can't be serious," he finally said.

"I am."

"Erwin, you _can't-"_

"Invoke such a thing through a Commander's rights and privileges? Rest assured I can. I just did," Erwin said, completely unperturbed. "The next step would be to take me to court, if you wish, Nile. It's a shame that it would take some weeks though. By that time, we're probably already married."

Nile began to splutter. "You can't do something like this and think you can get away with it, Erwin!" he exclaimed.

Erwin merely shrugged. "Then we'll see each other in court."

It took a while for the Military Police to leave, but once Levi was sure that Nile Dok and his men had stormed away down the corridor, she twisted her hand free from Erwin's.

"That's your plan?" she hissed. _"That's your fucking plan?"_

"Do let me know if you can think of anything better under the circumstances," said Erwin, already moving to stand from the bed.

"Fuck you! I'm not going to marry you."

"Get some rest, Levi," Erwin said with infuriating calm as he walked away towards the door. "Everything will look better in the morning. Good night."

Just like that, the Commander was gone.

Breathing hard, Levi stared at the door. This was not happening. There was no way this was happening. She would like to punch something- the Commander's face preferably- but with Erwin out of reach, Levi would have to contend with the pillow, and an oath that could be heard well into the corridor: _"Fuuuck!"_


	2. Chapter 2

**A Choice With No Regrets**

 _ **Attack on Titan fanfiction**_

 **By**

 **Blue Sonnet (Nana_41175)**

 **Chapter Two**

* * *

Erwin closed the door gently behind him and turned to Eld and Gunther, who had just arrived to take up their post outside Levi's door. It was better that he summon some people familiar to Levi for this task.

He knew he didn't have to say it aloud, but he said it anyway, "guard the captain well, gentlemen. Make sure he…she is not to be disturbed. Nobody is to be let in without my permission."

"Sir!"

Erwin was halfway down the corridor when he heard the cry.

" _Fuuuck!"_

After a moment, he continued walking, his face impassive, his self-control marvelously intact as he made his way out of the hospital and into his own office in the neighboring central administration building.

It was only when the door to his office was closed and securely locked behind him that he allowed himself to give way. He leaned back on the comforting solidness of wood behind him as his knees buckled.

It was as though the axis of the world— his world— had tilted and started to revolve backward instead of forward. Night was suddenly day, and seeming to come straight out of his most secret fantasies, Levi was actually a woman.

It was impossible to digest everything at once, the shock of discovering one thing after another was almost too much even for Erwin. Yet through it all, he was aware of all the possibilities suddenly presenting themselves.

 _Levi, a woman!_ He could not suppress the smile he had been holding back ever since he'd held Levi's hand in that hospital room, and the smile became a laugh.

He would make sure to play the game right, and to seize all the opportunities, for Levi's sake as well as his own.

* * *

To judge from the heat staining her cheeks, Levi knew the color had not left her face for hours after Erwin's departure. Certainly, her heart had not stopped pounding. As she lay curled on her side— the only comfortable position she could find— she could not help but turn over in her mind, again and again, the astonishing events that Erwin had set into motion.

 _We are betrothed…_

Where the fucking hell did that even come from?

Levi was sure that Erwin had his reasons and she was sure that he would make a good case of it first thing in the morning. What she was less certain of were her own feelings on the matter. It was absurd that she could be so affected— she would not forget the way the unfamiliar warmth had flooded through her at the very idea of being engaged to Erwin. She had made it abundantly clear to him what she thought of his plan, yet if she were to be honest, she had been pleased and displeased by it at the same time. It was most alarming.

Alarming, yes, but hardly surprising. From the moment they met, the man had the power to incite a variety of conflicting feelings in Levi. She had started out wanting to kill him, after all. She had been hired to assassinate him, and she had thought it would be easy, especially when Mike had shoved her head into the puddle of mud at the very beginning of their acquaintance. She had told herself that she was never going to forgive him for that.

They had come a long way since then. She was not sure when her feelings had started to turn around, although they were constantly vacillating between varying degrees of admiration and exasperation, because Erwin was many things all at once: brilliant and kind, calculating and cold, honorable and devious, ruthless and caring. And handsome. And charming. He could be so charming when he harangued the nobles and wooed the ladies into parting with large sums of money for the Corps.

Levi could put up with a lot of bullshit if necessary, but she found it hardest to cope when Erwin was with the ladies.

Levi had seen him at it during some of the tedious soirees and overly sumptuous parties to which Erwin had dragged her along, presumably to boost the reputation of the Corps. She did not know why he would insist on taking her along, when all Levi ever did as the evening progressed was to gravitate to the margins of the party, watching while all the ladies clamored for his attention. She had seen him dance and knew that he was excellent at it. She had stood apart from the chattering crowds, hardly talking to anyone and her scowl firmly in place, analyzing with clinical detachment the many shortcomings of each of the ladies who happened to be hanging on Erwin's arm. At first, she had not realized what she was doing, and when it finally hit her, she had managed to convince herself that it was merely boredom mixed with a hefty dose of her scorn for the upper classes.

If it had not been for Lady Burlow, Levi would have carried on denying the extent of the crush she had developed for Erwin. Lady Burlow had been rich, beautiful and widowed young, though she was older than Erwin by a year or two. She had been powerful enough to make herself a serious nuisance, and for all his finesse, it had been difficult for Erwin to dodge her. Levi had never seen a woman so determined in pursuing Erwin as the lady in question, with her numerous demands for private audiences and horseback riding dates and the promises of funding the Corps, all of which Levi had to bear witness to as Erwin had invariably brought her along with him as his aide. At least Erwin had enough sense not to be left alone with the woman, but Levi had to admit that it had been a while since she had the feeling that she could gladly commit murder.

Finally, Erwin had managed to throw her off by placing a few choice words within the hearing range of one of Lady Burlow's lovers (apparently, the lady had two other gents on the side while pursuing Erwin) and the ensuing commotion had been the end of it. Still, the entire episode had left Levi with the unenviable task of acknowledging that her feelings for the Commander ran deeper than they ought to.

It was dangerous, Levi knew, to harbor feelings for Erwin considering that all this time she had been keeping a secret of her own from him. The fact that she had managed to hoodwink a man as sharply perceptive as Erwin Smith had been a source of comfort and satisfaction from time to time. Now, it bordered on torture.

There was no helping it: Erwin had only to look at her or speak to her, and Levi would feel hot and cold, all at once. The only way she could feign indifference was if she did not look at him at all while answering him; she had perfected a bored look just for that purpose. Until tonight, he had never touched her, and the memory of his hand on her shoulder, his fingers working to undo the buttons of her shirt, his gaze as he took in her bandaged chest, as if he needed to see the evidence of her deception for himself and, most of all, the way her flesh had leaped at the contact, filled Levi with horror and fascination in equal measure.

He had never touched her, and he had never been charming to her. She had told herself that she did not need Erwin to be charming, because he had never lied to her, either. Now all of that was about to change, ever since he held her hand and declared that they were engaged to be married. In all the times and ways she had imagined Erwin discovering her secret, she had not imagined him reacting this way. The feeling of dread she could understand. What she could not comprehend was the excitement thrown in the mix, and a deep, indefinable element that was almost like yearning.

Levi shifted a little as she lay curled on her side, the wound along her stomach a throbbing thing, alive and sharp-taloned, ready to claw into her after one false move. The window above her was still dark; the night was still long and, assailed by memories, she knew that sleep would elude her.

* * *

He came earlier than Levi anticipated.

She did not know that she'd fallen asleep until she jerked awake at the sound of the door opening, and she heard his voice from across the room as he made his inquiries to the nurse: _how is she? Did she sleep well?_

 _Idiot_ , Levi thought sourly, wincing as she gingerly made to turn to the other side to face Erwin. Why ask the nurse when he would have to ask her those questions all over again anyway—

She stopped as her gaze landed on Erwin, and the thing he held in his hand.

Erwin's smile faltered as he noted her lowered brows and the direction of her gaze. He cleared his throat. "It's…erm. I thought it would help brighten the room."

The bastard had brought her flowers, fuck him. Levi knew that he was going to make things difficult, and she was right.

Levi watched, her head settling heavily on the pillow, as Erwin gave the bouquet to the flustered nurse to be put into some water.

"How are you?" Erwin asked as he turned back to her.

Levi gave him a slow blink through lidded eyes. "What do you think? I hardly slept a wink the entire night," she replied, her voice raspy. It was true: she could feel how heavy and scratchy her eyes were. That would certainly do wonders for the already prominent shadows under her eyes. She must be a sight to behold: unkempt and disheveled, and badly in need of a bath.

 _Let him see what he's getting himself into_ , Levi thought with grim satisfaction.

In contrast, Erwin looked as though he had just stepped out of the bath, with golden hair freshly combed and glinting under the morning sunlight, his uniform neatly pressed. When he approached to take the chair beside Levi's bed, Levi drew back as the scent registered with her.

"You…you're wearing cologne," she said, almost accusingly.

To his credit, Erwin held her gaze unflinchingly, his eyes mild. "I do wear cologne from time to time," he countered.

"You don't wear it unless you're going to the capital."

"I've come to see you," said Erwin, as if that was all the reason he needed to be dousing himself in scent.

Levi pulled her lips back over her teeth. "Just cut the bullshit already, Erwin," she said shortly, her patience at an end. "Just tell me what you've come to say and be done with it. I'm still not marrying you, by the way."

Levi watched as her words hit home; Erwin's eyes darkened a shade as he gazed at her. Face still impassive, he reached into the inner coat of his tan jacket and pulled out an officer's handbook.

"I've tried looking. There is no other way," he said softly.

Levi looked down at the handbook that Erwin handed over. A frayed piece of ribbon marked a place in the book, and Levi knew without even opening it that Erwin had marked the section on spousal rights. Commanders, Levi knew, enjoyed the privilege of having their wives with them at base.

Erwin's voice was soft, his words evenly measured. "I will not stop you from making your own decisions, though I must beg you to consider the consequences," he said. "We may not be…compatible, but I am prepared to offer you an alternative to a long prison sentence and a way to retain everything you've worked hard to gain in the Corps."

"And you?" Levi asked, her lips barely moving. "What do you gain by all this?"

Erwin hesitated for a fraction of a second before he said, "I don't want to lose my finest soldier."

 _Such noble sentiments_ , Levi thought even as something wilted within her. Yet what had she wanted to hear, exactly?

Erwin continued, "after we are married, we can opt to remain as we've always been. You will be free to do as you wish, so long as you remain in the Corps. I will make sure that you will be able to keep your post, and to join in expeditions to fight. I will not stop you if you should decide that you'd want to be with somebody else—"

"Shut up," said Levi. She'd heard enough for one day. "Just. Shut up for a moment, Erwin."

Erwin paused for a beat and they watched as the nurse bustled in to put the vase of flowers on the table under the window.

"I don't have much of a choice, do I?' Levi said after the nurse went away.

"You will always have choices, Levi," Erwin said, "although I urge you to choose the one that you will regret the least."

Levi stared at Erwin. He'd said that to her once, so long ago it seemed.

"Fine," she said, her grey eyes as inscrutable as his own. "I'll marry you."

Erwin smiled. "Thank you," he said simply.

Levi looked away. "So what now?"

"We will need to convince the right people until we can secure the proper license. I hope it will not take too long," Erwin said.

Levi frowned. "The hell does that mean?" she wanted to know.

Just then a soft knock sounded on the door.

Levi stared as Erwin shifted to sit on the bed beside her.

"What are you doing?" she asked suspiciously.

"Some officers from High Command are paying us a visit this morning," Erwin said, and that was all the warning he gave to Levi as he reached over with one hand and tilted her chin up with gentle fingers, his intention suddenly clear in his eyes.

"You wouldn't—" Levi breathed, sounding aghast.

The smile he gave her was answer enough, even without his well-shaped mouth forming the words that only she could hear, "bear with me, please."

Before Levi could even think to pull away, she felt Erwin lean in to press his lips upon hers– warm and firm and very sure. Their first kiss, followed closely by a second, and a third, well until the door opened and a discreet cough sounded in the doorway.


	3. Chapter 3

**A Choice With No Regrets**

 _ **Attack on Titan fanfiction**_

 **By**

 **Blue Sonnet (Nana_41175)**

 **Chapter Three**

* * *

Levi heard the cough from the door and quickly pulled away from Erwin. Her face uncomfortably warm again, she drew the back of a hand across her mouth. What the hell was Erwin thinking, kissing her? She had not cleaned her mouth in days.

Erwin seemed not to mind. He smiled at her reddened face before turning his head to regard the officers standing in the open doorway. "Ah, gentlemen," he said with mild surprise, as though it were an everyday occurrence for him to be seen kissing an officer under his command.

One of the officers stepped forward and said without preamble, "Commander Erwin Smith, come with us, please. By order of High Command—"

Erwin merely raised an eyebrow. "Are you arresting me, officer?" he asked calmly.

"Bloody fuck!" cried Levi before she could stop herself. "For what? He's not done any–"

Before she could say another word, Erwin's mouth was on hers again, effectively silencing her protest. She gasped and pulled away, the hand clutching at Erwin's shirt turning into a fist and ready to let fly a punch.

 _What the fuck is_ wrong _with this guy?_ She thought, but then she saw the warning look in his eyes.

"I'm touched, darling," Erwin said as he withdrew, his gaze lingering on her face for a few seconds longer. _Say nothing,_ his eyes said. Aloud, he continued, "don't worry. This is just a huge misunderstanding that will be sorted out in no time. I will be back before you know it."

He stood up and walked towards the officers. "Shall we?" he said, ever so polite.

It was only after the door was firmly shut behind them that Erwin dropped the tender mask and donned on another, more familiar one. He nodded at Eld and Gunther, who stood tense and ready to spring, and at his signal they relaxed. Erwin turned to regard the officers with the hard, impersonal stare he was known for and said, "I hope you won't mind if we stop by my office on the way out. I have some papers that will be of immense interest to Supreme Commander Zackly."

* * *

Mike had offered to accompany him, but Erwin had declined. The headquarters of High Command was only an hour's ride by carriage, and the time alone would do Erwin good.

"What are we supposed to tell Levi?" queried Hange as they saw him off in the carriage; Hange, who always asked the most uncomfortable questions.

"Tell her the truth," said Erwin, "that I have been summoned to an inquest, and I shall be right back. In the meantime, you and Mike are in charge."

"You know that's not going to keep her in bed," said Hange dryly.

Erwin merely raised a brow at that. "Tell her it's my wish that she should rest and not worry," he said. He boarded the coach and had only enough time to catch a glimpse of Hange's face through the window.

 _I see_ , their expression seemed to say, and the coach was pulling away.

They had assigned a watchdog to keep him company in the carriage; Erwin effortlessly made conversation with the officer, but his mind was elsewhere.

 _Levi._

From the start, Erwin had known that Levi would be all sorts of trouble; he just never imagined to what extent. From the moment he'd laid eyes on Levi in the underground, down to the time Levi had him on his knees and a sword to his neck, he had known what Levi was capable of. Of less certainty were recent times, when things had settled down and a strange accord had grown, silent but sure, between them.

When did it start? When did it all change into something more?

It had seemed so natural, so gradual, like the easing of a clenched fist, long held tight. Erwin had not realized it until it had become routine for them to be around each other. Levi had risen quickly within the ranks, and yet theirs wasn't just the usual interaction between superior and subordinate. Erwin would catch himself looking forward to the end of the day when he could have dinner and some time alone with Levi. He did not know when it had started, that feeling of contentment when Levi would just sit around in his office after dinner while he finished his paperwork, and the ghastly feeling of emptiness when Levi was not there (which was pretty strange, considering Levi rarely talked while they were together, to begin with).

At first, he'd made all sorts of excuses: that he was merely lonely, and he was not into men, anyway. His reputation as Humanity's Strongest had placed him on a pedestal, admired from afar yet untouchable, and Erwin had not doubted the semblance of truth in the rumors that his blood ran cold beneath the façade of warm flesh. Until Levi had come along, nobody had breached that barrier he had carefully erected around himself, although plenty had tried. Like a priest taking his vows, he had promised himself that his duty to humanity came first before personal happiness.

That was the sum of Erwin Smith, until Levi had come along and shattered his unshakable composure with nothing more than a sideways glance of slanting grey eyes; the downturned mouth that could sometimes look surprisingly soft whenever Erwin caught Levi off guard; and that cool, low, unhurried voice that could utter the most vulgar words courtesy of that underground upbringing. After nearly half a lifetime of having to endure a great deal of fawning and simpering falsehoods, Erwin had found Levi's straightforward, no-nonsense attitude towards him refreshing.

More than that, and despite Levi's abrasiveness, he had found himself charmed by the singular individual he had recruited, whom he had forcibly dragged out of the underground and made a soldier. His best fighter, the Corps' prized asset, a gift— he had described Levi by these terms and more, and all the while, he had held himself back from acknowledging what Levi had become, what Levi meant to him personally, as the days and months went by.

It was foolish, he had thought, though not unheard of, to be having a crush on a fellow officer. ( _Yet at his age!_ His mind had countered vehemently, and he could do nothing but shake his head and laugh at himself.) Surely, the attraction was merely a misplaced by-product of two men who had bonded over their harsh experiences in the field. Erwin had only to look around the barracks to see ample evidence of how men coped with each other in the absence of female companionship. He knew of the intense relationships, not necessarily sexual in all cases, which could arise between brothers-in-arms.

Erwin had assured himself that time would do its work on his attraction to Levi— a thing hard and bright, reduced to a gentle, glowing flame. He had but to wait and not embarrass himself, yet nothing could prepare him for the torture of long, sleepless nights in bed when he would think of Levi, spread beneath him, his mouth crushed against those severe yet soft-looking lips that had somehow found their way into his dreams. Erwin could find no excuse for these sordid fantasies which were clearly not brotherly, and definitely nowhere near platonic in nature.

Still, he had held himself off until he could no longer deny the force that ruled him one evening when Levi had not shown up for their usual private dinner together after an expedition. Pride and good sense had initially prevailed until he could no longer endure the strange, twisting pain inside him, and he had found himself jealously searching for Levi in the mess hall and everywhere else, only to learn that Levi, exhausted and a bit ill with the flu, had dropped off to sleep early in his (no, her) own room.

Overall, it was not the ideal scenario to stumble upon the realization that one was in love. He had been in love before and it had not felt anything remotely like this.

Restraint had never been difficult to exercise for somebody as reserved as Erwin, yet in this novel situation, he had found himself sorely tested. He would never dream of upsetting Levi by revealing what he felt, yet he could not keep the burgeoning curiosity at bay. He had no idea what Levi's preferences were. Indeed, and much to his relief, Levi seemed coldly ascetic and uninterested in anyone, men or women. Anyway, it was not his business, Erwin had told himself repeatedly. He was resolved to do the right thing and love Levi from afar, and silently.

Now all of that had changed, seemingly in the blink of an eye. Decisions had to be made quickly, and once made, there was no turning back. Here he was, on his way to an inquest issued by High Command, with the possible result of Levi being removed from the Corps if he did not play his cards right, and Erwin had already decided that hell awaited anyone who would take Levi from him.

The fight ahead was not going to be pleasant.


	4. Chapter 4

**A Choice With No Regrets**

 _ **Attack on Titan fanfiction**_

 **By**

 **Blue Sonnet (Nana_41175)**

 **Chapter Four**

* * *

 **Authors' Notes:** Aaand we see where the huge misunderstanding develops from! This chapter was supposed to be part of chapter 3, but because of its length and the action within, I thought it best to separate it unto itself. Enjoy!

* * *

Unsurprisingly, Hange and Mike heard the commotion in Levi's hospital room long before they reached it. As they got near, they saw some of the nurses and doctors lining the corridor uncertainly. They looked relieved as they saw them approaching.

"Sirs, the patient…"

Hange nodded sagely. "We know," they said.

Stepping into the room, they saw Levi by the window, Gunther and Eld at her side, not quite touching her as they tried to talk her down from whatever it was she meant to do. She clutched at the window pane with one hand and the other hand was a fist on Gunther's chest, warding him off.

Levi looked up, eyes narrowed dangerously at Hange and Mike. "They're going to put him away," she merely said. Her voice was stronger compared to the day before.

Hange grinned. "Relax. I don't think they will succeed," they replied.

"We've got to—"

"Erwin says it is his wish that you should rest and not worry about him," they said, parroting Erwin, and watched with something akin to glee as the words had their desired effect: Levi's face turned pale with rage, teeth clenched in more than just pain.

"All right, all right," said Hange, suddenly relenting before Levi could put a rude word in. "Mike?"

Mike took a sniff and said, "the bleeding appears to have stopped."

"Still, we don't want to take chances. I'm sure Erwin would agree. Where's the doctor?"

"I've been through worse than this," muttered Levi as the doctor was summoned.

"I suppose you'd also want to wash up before we go?" said Hange brightly. "Though a full bath would be out of the question, I'm sure."

Levi peered at Hange suspiciously, then shot a look at Mike, who merely shrugged and shook his head. Whatever Hange was getting at, they were achieving more results than the efforts of the nurses, Gunther and Eld put together. Levi allowed herself to return to the bed, where the bandages were removed and her wound examined minutely by the physician.

"The stitches appear to be holding, and the wound is not infected," he announced. "Still, I would recommend a few more days—"

"Look, I can do this," said Levi as she turned on her elbow, ready to get up again.

"I don't doubt that," said Hange, "only answer me this: what are you going to do when you get to High Command?"

Levi was silent for a moment, then said, "I can't let him take all the blame."

That was, Hange knew, the nearest Levi would ever come to apologizing; not that she needed to. "You know, you might not be getting back here after going through the lions' den," they said gently.

"I don't think Erwin will allow that."

 _Oh, these two_ , Hange thought through a swell of fondness.

A good real-life romance was hard to come by these days.

* * *

In the end, the doctor gave his reluctant approval to release the patient for a few hours. Still, it took a while (and a hefty draught of painkillers) for Levi to get ready. Her uniform felt tight around the layers and layers of bandages wrapped around her entire torso, but at least she felt clean for the first time in days.

The carriage ride was at snail pace as the driver was instructed to take it slow.

"They'll be done by the time we get there," complained Levi.

Hange shrugged. "I think Erwin would prefer that, don't you?"

"What the hell do you mean?"

"I'm not going so far as to say I can read the man's mind, but surely it's occurred to you—" here, Hange paused to peer closely at Levi. "Yeah, okay, it's occurred to you."

Of course it had occurred to Levi that Erwin was engaging in one of his little games, yet again. She was not sure what he had in mind— she could never read him that way, either— but she trusted him enough to carry out his orders, whatever they were in this case.

"What's occurred to me?" prodded Levi.

Instead of answering her query, Hange went off on a tangent: "I just love romances, don't you? And Erwin, of all people! Who would have thought!"

Levi frowned.

"I mean, I used to devour them as a kid, but then I used to read everything I could lay my hands on. Anyway, I digress, but wouldn't you agree that Erwin would make the perfect romantic hero? I just can't believe he's read these kinds of books himself. The drama, the public declaration, the chase…"

Hange prattled away excitedly, too busy talking to notice Levi as she sat in her corner, frozen.

So that was it. The bastard had been acting off a script. His behavior in the past couple of days suddenly made sense. The only thing that did not make sense was how she, Levi, had not worked it out sooner; but then, she had never been a fan of romance novels.

 _Of course_ , Levi thought bitterly and wondered why she would even feel disappointed. Erwin was lying to everyone, but he had not lied to her. Not yet, anyway.

 _I don't want to lose my finest soldier_ , he had told her. That was the only reason why he was doing this. She was a fool if she allowed herself to believe there was anything more to his actions. They were simply stunts pulled from his bottomless bag of tricks, just so she could get to stay on in the Corps. There was no actual romance involved between them.

 _Fine then_ , she thought grimly. If Erwin wanted to put on a show for High Command, then he was going to get one.

* * *

True to the usual form, the closed-door inquest was made of twelve members headed by Supreme Commander Zackly, with Erwin making up the thirteenth person in the room. A military secretary was also there to take down notes. Two thirds of the committee, including Garrison Commander Dot Pixis, were members of the military whom he was familiar with and whom he could fairly expect to be reasonable; the other third were members of parliament and included a wall priest, garbed in his vestments and his gaudy chain of office. A minority, yes, but a vocal and intolerant one. Definitely, the priest had to go.

Erwin's gaze shifted to Commander Zackly, seated on the other end of the long table as the session started. Light glinted off the commander's glasses, rendering his expression unreadable. That was fine. Erwin's gaze gave nothing out as well. He sat with his back straight, hands on his lap and his papers before him as the secretary read out the purpose of the inquest, whereby Commander Smith had been summoned to answer queries with regards his subordinate, the person known as Captain Levi.

"Well, Commander, I must say this situation is… one of a kind," began Commander Zackly as soon as the secretary was done stating the business of the day.

"Indeed, sir," Erwin murmured.

An MP fired the first salvo: "I did not realize the military has changed its rules with regards women."

Erwin turned his head to regard the MP. "I don't know what you mean, sir," he replied equably. "The last time I checked, there were _no_ rules whatsoever in regards the acceptance and treatment of female officers in all three branches of the military."

As the glaring MP subsided, Zackly cleared his throat and Pixis looked down, smiling, at his arms folded in front of him. It was much too early for Erwin to have the ball and run away with it.

"Commander Smith…Erwin," Zackly began. "I've known you for more than ten years and I know you do not go out of your way to do these kinds of things without a valid reason."

"Sir."

"Reports have reached us, involving multiple sources, that your captain, the one you have recruited from the underground and known simply as Levi, is actually a woman?"

How strange, thought Erwin, that these people were the very same ones who had gathered around Levi during the innumerable socials he had taken her to in the capital, and all of them were now pretending they had no idea who she was.

Aloud, he merely said, "the reports are accurate, sir."

"And it would appear that you were aware of this fact all along."

"That is correct, sir."

"May we know why you would think to accept a woman into the ranks of the Survey Corps without the knowledge of your superiors?"

"It is all done in the name of research, Commander, and if I may, Captain Levi is not just any woman," said Erwin as he took hold of his papers and began to pass them around the table. "She is the solution we have long been looking for."

Erwin turned to Zackly, his blue eyes wide with admiration. "As always, you were correct in your hypotheses, Supreme Commander."

A sharp murmur rose around the table as the men turned to stare at the commander. Zackly said nothing, merely straightened his glasses to peer at the data reports printed on the papers he had been given.

Erwin continued, "In accordance to the Supreme Commander's orders to search for a feasible solution to the growing problem of wall defenses, also known as Military Act 45, of which I am sure you are all aware, I have compiled the data from the last three Survey Corps expeditions of which Captain Levi was an active participant. Since her involvement with the Corps, our mortality rate has been down twenty percent and the yield of the expeditions has increased significantly. I will not get into stories of Captain Levi's extraordinary skills and her many acts of courage. We have heard them all. Those are too many to count, and most reports, I must add, are completely true.

"Furthermore, her performance in the field has confirmed what we have long suspected, that given their weight and bodily constitution, women are far more superior in handling the 3D Maneuvering Gear than men, which will render the necessity of underage recruitment among our youths obsolete.

"These data center on the performance of just one woman. Imagine, gentlemen, how it will be if we are to allow women into our ranks as full-time officers."

"I don't believe a woman is capable of all your data suggest, sir," remarked one of the MPs dryly as he tossed down Erwin's papers. "Perhaps you undervalue the efforts of your men to boost the one woman in your team."

"I beg your pardon sir, but my men are all-important to me. I value them no less than I value the duty to which we are all bound. Yet Captain Levi was the only new addition to the past three expeditions. We've not had any other new recruits or new weapons to account for these dramatic results."

One of the military men shook his head as he interjected, "yet think of it, man! Women in the military? And in the Survey Corps at that. Think of the expenses to be incurred in training them!"

"Captain Levi came in with no additional training required," said Erwin, trying and failing to keep the curtness out of his voice.

"You are not content in spilling the blood of countless soldiers, you will have the blood of our gentle womenfolk staining your hands as well, Smith?" said the priest, eyeing Erwin beadily.

It was the argument that Erwin had been waiting for. It was time for the priest to disqualify himself from the proceedings.

"When," he said, as he let his gaze roam from one male face to the next around the table, "will we stop infantilizing women, who make up half of humanity and are our fellow human beings? Think of all the untapped potential, wasted. They are not children, gentlemen, and this is not the priesthood. Why exclude them from the fight that is rightfully theirs as well? Let them join the cause, if they so wish, and not just as nurses and in the auxiliary corps of engineers."

"Many will oppose the notion. The very notion of women fighting titans! They are not prepared, Smith, to take up arms—"

"Then there is no better time to start preparing them. I think we are in accord, gentlemen, when we say that the walls will not stand out forever—"

"Now that is heresy!" roared the priest. "Who do you think you are, young man? I will not stand to hear you debasing the sacred walls—!"

It took a while for Commander Zackly to restore a semblance of order around the table, yet it was clear to almost everyone, and to Commander Pixis most of all, that Erwin Smith had got away with the ball, as usual.

* * *

After the priest was removed on the grounds of religious bias, Erwin could afford to relax a little bit. The meeting was into its second hour now. It was almost over.

'I would just like to clarify, gentlemen, that it is not my intention to suggest a mandatory recruitment of women into our ranks," he said. "And of course, the recruitment process must be transparent, and devoid of coercion."

There was a small silence before the head of Military Police spoke up. "And was that how you recruited Captain Levi, Commander Smith?"

For the first time since the meeting began, Erwin felt a trickle of ice run down his spine. "We made a deal, Commander."

Nile. It would have to be Nile who told his superior officer about that operation in the underground, and of Levi's capture.

"To hear the colorful stories floating around, one would have thought differently. In fact, rumors suggested that she tried to kill you at one point, Commander."

"It would be better to confirm with Captain Levi herself rather than to base your good judgement on mere rumors, sir," Erwin returned smoothly. "I am sure she will be more than pleased to accommodate you once she has sufficiently recovered from her injuries."

"Rest assured we will do that, Commander Smith."

"We will be making our deliberations shortly," announced Commander Zackly. "Commander Smith, you are excused."

Erwin stood up and saluted. It had gone well, overall. Erwin was fairly confident of the outcome, and not once had he lost his composure.

Of course, that was until he opened the door and saw Hange, with Levi holding onto their shoulder, at the far end of the corridor.

" _Levi!"_

He was out the door and running, and later, he would not remember calling out her name when Hange goaded him. "What are you doing here?" he said as soon as he got near enough to the two newcomers.

"What does it look like?" spat Levi, her face turned ashen as she clutched tightly onto Hange's shoulder. Her other arm was wrapped over her abdomen. "You want to be a martyr? Fine. But you're not going to do it because of me."

"Levi—" he said as he took Levi from Hange. It was alarming how she slumped into him without any resistance at all. All the while Hange was babbling: "I thought this is what you wanted, and anyway, she can't be persuaded to stay in bed while you're here. I _told_ you—"

It was clear that it hurt Levi to stand and without thinking, Erwin swept her up into his arms.

Her voice was muffled against his jacket: "What the _fuck_ —"

Erwin smiled and he could not help himself. "You're heavy, darling," he whispered so that only she could hear.

He felt her hand fisting into his shirt and looked up to realize that they had spectators all around. Erwin blinked at the inquest committee members as they crowded around the doorway of the chamber he had emerged from.

"Try to kiss me in front of them and I will knock your block off," warned the voice from the small figure tucked into his arms.

Erwin swallowed hard. "Gentlemen, it seems that I will need to return to base immediately. If you no longer require my presence—"

Commander Zackly nodded. "You are dismissed, Commander Erwin. We will notify you of our deliberations."

"Hange, I am going to kill you," he muttered as they strode through the gathering crowd of gawking soldiers towards their carriage.

"Yeah, that's right, and you think she's going to hold back when you ask me to tell her that's it's your express wish that she stay put in bed?" asked Hange, their voice almost a wail as they faced the enormity of what they had done. "What is that if not the biggest come-on I've ever heard?"

"Keep your voice down." Erwin glanced down worriedly at Levi, wondering why she wasn't joining in the blaming game.

She had passed out in his arms.

* * *

Levi awoke to find herself back in bed and Erwin reading by a lamp at her side.

"How are you feeling?" Erwin asked as he looked up to see her blinking slowly, sleepily.

"What time is it?"

"It's almost ten at night. How is the pain? Are you up for some dinner?"

She shook her head. "What happened at the inquest?"

"It's too soon to tell, Levi. You should get some rest." He shut his book and made to stand up.

Levi's hand was on his before he could move away. "Tell me you didn't plan it," she said.

"Plan what, dear?"

"Me and Hange going in there."

"It was all a misunderstanding. Hange has read too many novels." Erwin gave a small, wry smile and continued, "though I don't mind saying that our little drama worked in our favor. Still, I would not have risked you going there to save me, Levi. And yet you came anyway?"

Levi frowned at his incredulous tone. "We thought you planned it that way, you jerk."

"And what would have happened if they decided to arrest you?"

Erwin was not prepared for the solemn look that Levi gave him. "You would have thought of something," she said simply.

Erwin breathed out a laugh. "I don't know what I'd do if something were to happen to you."

Levi gave a sigh. "You don't mean that," she said, looking away.

"Levi…"

When she turned back to him, she was different. "I meant what I said back there. The next time you try smooching me in public, I will knock your block off."

Erwin chuckled. "Am I really that bad?"

"You don't know shit about kissing," Levi said, thinking of Hange's apt comparison of Erwin to a hero in a romance novel. A third-rate romance novel, at that— the outdated kind without any racy parts in it.

She watched as the slight half-smile playing on Erwin's lips widened into a full one.

"And do you?" he asked, his tone low, teasing– a challenge.

There was nobody here to witness this, thought Levi, so why was he still doing it, still rolling the ball and playing the game?

 _You can drop the act now_ , she would have wanted to say but found that she could not.

They'd never done this before, flirting. Levi's chest felt tight as she realized what she wanted was exactly this— the game they were playing. She realized she had always wanted something more from Erwin and perhaps this was the closest thing that she was going to get.

It was time to stop thinking.

"You can bet your ass I do," Levi said, grabbing at his bolo tie to pull him down.

Erwin expected a kiss. It was clear that he did, and Levi felt him start as she licked delicately at the seam of his closed lips instead. His lips parted under the light pressure, and Levi gave him her mouth, the softness of lips and a questing tongue, warm and wet.

Erwin recovered quickly. With a soft groan, he kissed her back fully, his tongue engaging with hers, probing deep into her mouth just as he reached out with both hands to cup her face.

It may have lasted seconds; it might have gone on for minutes. All Levi knew was bliss, hot and heady as it coursed through her. When his mouth finally left hers, they were both panting softly, breathless. Erwin's heavy lidded gaze bore through her and the look of desire in his eyes reminded her of the very first time she had seen him in the underground— his hood hiding everything but his face, those vivid blue eyes alight with intense interest and mouth parting to form a smile.

He'd never looked at her that way again, until now. It looked dangerously genuine, as was his laugh and the banter in his voice as he said, "you're right."

"What?" Levi sounded slightly dazed.

"You're better at kissing than I am."

"Of course I'm right."

Levi's breath caught as Erwin reached down to touch the tip of his nose to hers, rubbing gently, affectionately. "Soon," he murmured.

Levi sighed. "I'm not a mind reader, Erwin."

Erwin smiled. "I'd very much like to marry you as soon as possible."


	5. Chapter 5

**A Choice With No Regrets**

 _ **Attack on Titan fanfiction**_

 **By**

 **Blue Sonnet (Nana_41175)**

 **Chapter Five**

* * *

Whatever Levi thought of the ass wipes at High Command, at least they had the decency to leave her alone for an entire week— seven precious days of peace and quiet as her body steadily healed and her mind cleared and grew sharp again.

"Here, give me that," she said one evening as she watched Erwin trying to peel an apple with a small knife and coming away with more apple sliced off than skin.

He came by for dinner in her hospital room almost every night— a luxury, Levi knew, given the Commander's tight schedule. The man almost always did not have time to eat a proper dinner, let alone sit by her side to insist on slicing apples for her.

"Why are you even doing this?" she asked.

"Apples are good for digestion," he answered with a perfectly straight face. As usual, he had neatly sidestepped her question, and Levi wondered when he would get tired of playing the game. As soon as they were married, no doubt.

For now, it seemed like such a novelty for him to be playing the doting fiancé, and Levi did not know whether she ought to be amused or irritated. Until now, she did not realize she could feel both at the same time.

It took her mere seconds to peel off the skin of the apple— all in a single, curled strip. She handed the fruit back to him, almost shoving it into his hands rudely. For tonight, irritation had finally won out: at herself, at him, at the lie they were building together. It deepened as she watched him cut the apple neatly into quarters.

Finally, unable to stand it any longer, she said, "you can drop the act."

He looked up, his blue eyes wide, guileless. "Pardon?"

"That act," she pointed out. "The oblivious one. You're wasting your time. Nobody's here except us."

He merely looked at her, his gaze carefully veiled, but not before she caught a passing flicker of emotion in the blue depths that could mean anything— astonishment, perhaps even hurt. It came and went so fast that she was not even sure if it was actually there. Perhaps it was nothing more than a product of her imagination.

Certainly, it was now gone as Erwin said quietly, "Is it so hard to believe that I care about you?"

Once again, the words were proof of the Commander's highly formidable and intricate mind. It was exhausting to have to deal with his words, laden with layer upon layer of possible meaning. She did not doubt his sincerity, though his intentions were another thing altogether.

"Just cut the bullshit when we're alone," Levi muttered.

Erwin paused before he set down the slices of apple on a platter. "I apologize if I've made you uncomfortable," he said. "I suppose you're right. There doesn't have to be any expression of affection between us in private, if it's not what you want."

Levi eyed the slices of apple on the platter beside her bed, knowing that he was going to leave, that she was driving him away, and she hated how it made her feel just as much as his role playing did.

The problem was that she knew exactly what she wanted, and what she wanted probably did not exist.

And yet, there was the way he had kissed her.

Levi knew better than to inject any deeper meaning into it. If anything, it merely drove home the point that Erwin was dangerous, with his quick mind and implacable determination to get what he wanted, and his honeyed words which were neither true nor false.

 _I'd very much like to marry you as soon as possible._

Before her was the only man who could ever hurt her, if she allowed him to.

"Or," she said.

She let the word hang in the air as she slowly reached out to take a slice of apple. She held it out with delicate fingers in the space between them.

 _Or I'll get what I want from him first before he can hurt me._

"Or you'll have to play your part more convincingly," she finished aloud.

She watched him watching her with those darkened eyes and knew that he understood what she meant. His gaze never leaving hers, he leaned in wordlessly to take the slice of apple from her fingers with his lips.

He seemed ready to do this. It had never occurred to him to ask her, and now she wondered whether he'd ever thought about her reasons for agreeing to his marriage proposal; if he even had a clue as to why she'd actually said yes. She thought he might have an idea, based on how he had kissed her. Yet no matter how good he was at kissing, the poor man was not the only one adept at playing charades.

* * *

When the summons from High Command finally came for both of them, Levi was well enough to walk into Zackly's office without any assistance.

After the inquest, the Supreme Commander was responsible for passing the verdict, and he did so in his usual informal way. They were alone as they sat down to face Zackly in his breeches and suspenders, with his sleeves rolled up to the elbows.

"The theatrics aside, I must commend you, Commander Erwin, for the brilliant defense last week," he said in his calm, unhurried tone, "and while it is true that we have indeed started looking into the possibility of recruiting women into our ranks, both of you must realize that your reckless and unauthorized actions are not in keeping with the rules of the military."

The Commander paused, as though waiting for a response, and when none came, he said, "you are both suspended for a period of three weeks, without pay. Effective immediately."

Erwin nodded and murmured, "Sir."

He could not have hoped for a better resolution. They were basically getting off with only a slap to the wrist.

Yet Commander Zackly was not done with them. "And with regards the matter of your betrothal…"

Here, he glanced at Levi before moving on to Erwin.

"Of course, we cannot dictate upon matters concerning the union between fellow officers, though I would urge you to think hard about this," Commander Zackly said to Levi, though his gaze was pinned on Erwin. "Based on your merits alone, we are willing to retain you, Levi. Your fears of being removed from the military based on the fact that you are a woman, if there are indeed such concerns, are groundless. Basically, there is no need for the two of you to get married."

Erwin sat ramrod straight, his face devoid of expression as he stared straight ahead. It was Levi who sneered.

"What's there to think about?" she said, her tone heavy, infinitely bored. "He asked me to marry him, and I agreed."

Commander Zackly's expression was unreadable behind his glasses as he considered his next words. There seemed to be a lot more that he wanted to say, yet he merely concluded with, "In that case, I suppose congratulations are in order. You are dismissed."

With a grimace, Levi rose gingerly from her chair and Erwin's hand was instantly at her side, palm upward— an offering. She flattened her lips at him but took the proffered hand without a word.

"You can let go now," she said as soon as they were outside Zackly's office, but Erwin merely laced his fingers through hers more securely. Gladness and relief mingled to give a glow to his features.

"I thought you wanted me to play my part more convincingly," he teased.

Her bored, heavy lidded expression was still in place as she regarded him. "And yet you did not even invite the man to the wedding?"

Erwin smiled down at Levi. "Protocol will dictate that he decline our invitation," he said, "although the Commander has already gifted us with enough time for a decent honeymoon, wouldn't you say?"

Levi stared at him with widening eyes, her small hand fisting inside his own.

"I would have told you earlier but there was no time," Erwin said, savoring the quality of her surprise. "A friend of mine working in the civil union office has agreed to officiate at our wedding. We can get married as early as tomorrow morning."

* * *

 **Here's a teaser for the next chapter (^_^):**

 _"Idiot," Levi breathed against his lips. "Do you really know what you've gotten yourself into when you married me?"  
_

 _Erwin laughed softly, fondly, as his hands brushed down her sides. "I think I do."_

 _She let her lips trail along his jaw. "You have no idea what I want."  
_

 _"Try me."  
_

 _She glanced back at him through lowered lids. "Make no mistake, I want sex. That's easy enough, but first you've got to convince me that you know how to kiss properly."_


	6. Chapter 6

**A Choice With No Regrets**

 _ **Attack on Titan fanfiction**_

 **By**

 **Blue Sonnet (Nana_41175)**

 **Chapter Six**

* * *

He should have known.

Sooner or later, it was going to happen, to judge from the tense set of her shoulders all week long. Erwin should have known better than to surprise her like this, and over something as important as their wedding day.

"Tomorrow?" she exploded, paying little heed that they were still within the headquarters of High Command. "What the _fuck_ do you mean we're getting married tomorrow?!"

He was instantly contrite: "I did not mean we _have_ to get married tomorrow, darling. I just meant we _could_ —"

" _You_ can get married to yourself tomorrow!" Levi snarled as she stormed off. "And don't darling me. I'm not your darling!"

Needless to say, things went downward from there. Levi refused to see him that night, and her anger had not subsided the next day.

She was out of the hospital as soon as her stitches were removed and back in her room in the officers' quarters before Erwin could be notified, and as he soon as he could drop by, Erwin found her in cleaning mode, which did not bode well for conversation.

"I was thinking of having the ceremony at my office, as soon as we can decide on a date," he said cautiously after the awkward, one-sided greetings. _If there's even going to be a wedding now_ , he said to himself _._

She continued to say nothing for a moment. She merely looked at him with her heavy lidded gaze, thoroughly unimpressed, as though he still did not get it.

"The other officers all want to attend," he added, hoping it might help change her mind.

"I'm not marrying you in a dump," she finally said before turning back to her chores.

He knew it was a hopeless task, but he set himself to it anyway, tidying his office as best he could, knowing the punishment would be prolonged if Levi perceived the slightest hint of resistance.

There was an officers' meeting in his office the next day— the first one in which Levi would be attending after her injury. It was not every day that the Commander of the Survey Corps had been suspended by High Command. Erwin got through the endorsement of official duties fairly quickly, yet afterward, nobody showed the slightest sign of wanting to leave. There were numerous congratulations and queries ranging from the date of the wedding to details on the honeymoon.

All the while, Levi sat there like a stone, refusing to answer any question directed her way, her flat gaze on Erwin as he fielded the awkward questions with vague answers: "Soon. Definitely soon. A few days from now, at most. We just need to iron out some details. Oh, the honeymoon. Well, it's a surprise."

Erwin glanced beseechingly at Levi as she continued to sit and watch him, and everything fell into place.

How could she answer when he'd never told her anything?

Sensing the chill emanating from the bride, the others soon got the hint. Hange was the last to leave, and when they did, they gave Erwin a covert, dramatic eye roll, which did not help matters very much.

"Forgive me," he said without preamble to Levi, his voice heavy. "I've been approaching the entire situation as your commanding officer. I…I've never been in a situation like this before, though that's not an excuse. I have no idea how to behave like a husband, but at the very least, I should have told you everything, and in advance."

Gone were the days, never to return, when he'd merely have to remind Levi, _"it's an order. Obey."_

He watched as Levi lifted a slim eyebrow at him, watched as she slowly unhooked one leg from the other and rose leisurely to walk over to his bookshelves to run light fingers, not over the shelves but under them. He watched, his heart sinking, as she rubbed her fingers together appraisingly.

"Levi…"

"Your office is filthy," she merely said before leaving, and it was not until the next day, when Erwin came in to find her cleaning, that he realized he had been forgiven.

He would have wanted to come to her and link his hands around her waist from behind, but that was merely something he had read in a book. Given how cagey she was, he did not doubt that Levi might throw him over if he ever dared to come behind her with such an intention.

He wondered what he ought to say, yet to judge from Levi's expression, it seemed best to just speak his mind: "May we have the ceremony tomorrow, dear?"

She glanced at him then looked away, shrugging.

 _Good enough_ , Erwin thought, relieved. He'd been afraid that he might end up canceling the reservations for their honeymoon destination, which had been difficult enough to secure in the first place.

Still, he made no move to approach, afraid that he might yet again spook the volatile creature in front of him who was his fiancée. Such hesitation was laughable and completely out of his character, yet everything about this affair was unique, verging on the unreal. The simple truth was that Erwin _wanted_ Levi. If he were to be honest with himself, he had wanted her the moment he'd first seen her. All his life, he'd dedicated himself to a single cause and it seemed impossible that he could want something, or somebody, else. Now he knew differently. It was absolutely disconcerting and intoxicating at the same time. For once, Erwin was at a loss on how to deal with things.

"Levi, I know this is all new to you. It certainly is to me," he said. "I'm not surprised that you'd be unsure of yourself, maybe even frightened…"

Levi stopped scrubbing by the window pane and turned back to regard him with her flat gaze. Erwin swallowed hard.

She pointed at his chair behind the huge desk. "Sit."

She did not wait until he was fully seated before she was climbing onto his lap. "Look closely, in case your eyesight is failing you," she said. "Do I look like I'm scared?"

"Levi…"

She stopped him with her mouth, her fingers in his hair. There was nothing uncertain at all with her movements. They had not kissed since that first time, when he had felt his control slip away like water through his fingers and he had kissed her back hungrily, his feelings naked. Straddling him now, her kisses were hard at first, sharp with a hint of teeth, before slowing down to teasing touches of soft lips, almost chaste, as Erwin relaxed against her, returning kiss for kiss.

"Idiot," Levi breathed against his mouth. "It's the other way around. Do you really know what you're getting yourself into when you marry me?"

Erwin laughed softly, fondly, as his hands brushed up and down her sides. She was so slim, her frame as fine-boned and delicately made as a bird's, yet her weight made her solid enough as she settled herself against his stirring body. "I think I do," he replied.

She let her lips trail along his jaw. "You have no idea what I want, Erwin."

"Try me."

She glanced back at him through lowered lids, her thoughts veiled from him. This close, he could see the dark eyelashes lining her lids and he wondered whether she would permit him to kiss her there next time, with her eyes closed, secure in his presence.

Her next words took his breath away: "Make no mistake, I want everything you can give me. Sex. _Fucking."_ She smiled, not missing his soft, shocked exhale through slightly parted lips. "That's easy enough to work out, _Commander,_ but first you've got to convince me that you know how to kiss properly."

She dodged his mouth as he sought quickly to obey, to prove himself. Disengaging from his arms, she slipped off his lap, lithe as a cat, and said, "not now, but soon. You've got an entire day to figure out if this is really what you want, Erwin; because once you're mine I'm not letting you go."

* * *

 **Teaser for the next chapter:**

 _"Wait," gasped Levi, her voice ragged._

 _Erwin slowly lifted his head, and Levi saw the slowly spreading smile on his lips, the glint of satisfaction in those heavy lidded blue eyes._

 _"What's the matter, Levi?" he asked, his voice silky. "I thought you wanted kisses. All sorts, you said."_

 _Levi cursed. "This is payback, isn't it? For yesterday?"_

 _Erwin gave a low, rich laugh. "I don't know what you mean, darling," he said before dipping his head once again between Levi's legs._

Fuck this man _, thought Levi just before she lost all coherent thought._

 _Her fucking husband._

(*wicked laugh* Gonna be nsfw, at last! I'll be switching the story rating to M. See you guys there!)


	7. Chapter 7

**A Choice With No Regrets**

 _ **Attack on Titan fanfiction**_

 **By**

 **Blue Sonnet (Nana_41175)**

 **Chapter Seven**

* * *

 **Authors' Notes:** Aaand here come the sexytimes! Brace yourselves, everyone! Please check the tags which will be updated regularly as the story progresses. Enjoy and do drop me a line!

* * *

"Levi," Hange called as they hung back at the entrance of the lavatory.

Levi knew she had been there awhile. She was also aware that she could not stay there forever, unless she would have people think that she had gotten cold feet on her wedding day.

The day had begun normally enough, with Erwin at his desk, poring over his never-ending paperwork. Apparently, being suspended by High Command had not reduced the volume of paperwork he needed to go over. She had told him so as she was seated on the sofa a few feet away.

He had merely smiled at her quip. "I'm finishing everything now so that I won't have to bring them along later," he had said.

Levi did not know why, but those words had run through her like a live current. The previous night, she had censored a trunk full of papers that he had intended to bring along together with his clothes and books. She had intended it half in jest, not realizing that he would take her seriously.

Then, at around noon, the flowers had started to arrive, and when somebody came in with the white lace cloth— apparently a special gift from one of the soldiers' mothers— to spread over the Commander's desk, Levi knew she needed to leave.

She had excused herself to take a bathroom break, and when locking herself into one of the stalls had dragged on for almost half an hour, she had emerged and washed her hands, a task that could take no more than five minutes at most. After that, she had merely stood there, gazing at herself in the mirror to the lulling tune of water dripping from the faucet, willing her breathing to slow down and the room to stop spinning.

That was when Hange had popped in. "Levi," they said once again from the doorway, in singsong, bringing Levi to the present.

"I heard you the first time, four-eyes," she muttered and turned toward the lounging figure by the door, a large grin plastered on their face.

"Come along. Erwin's waiting for you."

* * *

She had not planned it like this, to make a grand entrance (or any entrance at all). Yet the Commander's office was now filled to the brim with officers who parted to give way to the bride, and Levi had no choice but to endure the long, agonizing minute of entering the room with everyone's eyes on her as she approached Erwin, who had stationed himself at the foot of his table.

Erwin was chatting to the official presiding behind his desk, yet he turned at the sudden hush around the room in time to see Levi's approach. They were going to be married in their uniforms, and while Levi had hardly ever seen Erwin outside his official garb, he had never looked handsomer as he stood tall and straight, with the bright sunlight filtering through the latticed windows catching at his hair and expectation lighting his eyes.

So real. Everything looked so real and yet it wasn't. Erwin looked so calm, almost serene. Happy, even; yet Levi knew the man's talent at maintaining a convincing façade.

Levi tried to recall Erwin as she saw him the first time they met, with Levi on her knees and Erwin's cold, calculating eyes running over her.

" _Levi, why don't we make a deal?"_

This so-called marriage was nothing but another of Erwin's deals, Levi knew. The first one had gained her entry to the Survey Corps and lost her Farlan and Isabel. What would this second deal gain and cost her?

 _Unless I get what I want from him first, before he takes away my heart._

Erwin smiled as she drew near and he extended his hand for her to take. Levi tried to remember how she had hated him— hated him intensely, hated him enough to want to kill him— and she found that she could not meet that bright, clear gaze. She allowed the handholding— how could she not, in front of all these people— and his hand was warm as it engulfed hers in a sure grip.

This was no church wedding, yet the official started the ceremony the same way, with a declaration of whosoever had any reason why this man and this woman could not be married, let him come forth now or forever hold his peace.

There was tense silence for a minute, and Levi was almost sure that the gathered crowd would have leaped at anyone who would actually dare to step forward.

The official then carried on by asking the bride and groom if they wanted to exchange a few words.

Levi stared blankly at Erwin, unable to remember if this was one of the steps he had enumerated to her the previous night as an outline to the ceremony, since she had balked at an actual wedding rehearsal.

Taking in her stunned expression, Erwin quickly stepped in and took the lead. "Everything, Levi," he said. "I promise."

Well, that was short and to the point. And completely nonsensical. Trust the man to be talking in riddles.

"Yeah, well. Whatever," she muttered as she tossed around for something to say. She flushed as the room erupted with good-natured laughter. Finally, an idea occurred to her and she said, almost too softly, "no regrets."

Erwin seemed genuinely pleased as he looped her hand over his arm and the ceremony commenced in earnest. As they went through their responses to the official's questions, Levi thought back on Erwin's words, and it was not until they were about to exchange rings that she remembered.

 _I want everything you can give me._

She had said that to him only the day before, which was now a world away, and he was answering her now.

A sense of unreality washed over her again as she watched Erwin slipping the ring onto her finger, and as she did the same to him, her hand incredibly steady as she slid the larger golden band into place. Afterward, there were documents to sign, the most important step to seal their deal. As she finished with her signature, her handwriting frail and waiflike beside the solid, confident flourish of his own, she looked up to see him watching her, his eyes paler than usual, alight with an emotion she had never seen there before. And then he was leaning down just as the official said, "you may kiss the bride."

He kissed her with a soft press of lips just as the room erupted into applause and cheers, and there was no time to think, no time to react as the official declared, "I now pronounce you Man and Wife."

Just like that, they were married.

* * *

For the wedding luncheon, the soldiers had converted the mess hall into a place festooned with white, with proper plates and cutlery as well as glasses on the long wooden tables. There was far too much talk, too many speeches interrupting the meal that was already proceeding at snail pace, and nonsensical demands that the bride and groom kiss.

It was only later that Levi would know of the touching detail that each soldier had contributed a bit of their wages to give her and Erwin their wedding reception. They had both stipulated earlier on that they would refuse gifts.

The shadows across the lawn were already growing long when she and Erwin boarded their carriage, loaded with their luggage, but not before they were made to walk through an honor guard of selected friends with swords drawn over their heads. By that time, Levi was too bemused to resort to anything other than her default scowl, but a glance at Erwin told her that he was enjoying himself immensely. It was a rare sight, and despite her growing fatigue and irritation, she felt warmed by his pleasure.

Finally, they boarded the carriage, and Levi slumped into the cushioned seat as soon as the door was closed.

"Long day," Erwin said, still smiling as he regarded her.

"Long," she echoed as the carriage started down the cobbled stone path. Now that they were alone, she could feel the carriage shrinking, slowly squeezing the air out between them.

Luckily, Erwin did not press her for conversation. "Get some rest, Levi," he merely said as he settled into his seat opposite her. "With any luck, we'll arrive at our destination before midnight."

* * *

She refused to ask where they were going, and Erwin did not volunteer any information. They had long since left behind the smoothly cobbled streets of the city and the rumbling and bumping of the carriage along country roads did not make conversation easy. It was just as well. Levi settled into her corner of the carriage and did not realize that she had fallen asleep until she felt a hand on her shoulder, gently shaking her awake.

At first, she thought it was just another rest stop, the last one being several hours ago when they had stopped for dinner at a small, cozy inn, but then Erwin said, "we're here, Levi."

She sat up, suddenly wide awake, and watched Erwin descend the carriage to thank their driver and, judging from a chorus of excited voices outside, to greet several newcomers. Fobbing off Erwin's outstretched hand, she descended the carriage by herself and found that the newcomers were the keepers of the place in which they were going to stay. They formed a neat line, a family of seven and some servants, talking excitedly to the Commander as he shook hands with them in turn. Levi shook hands with them as well and nodded wordlessly to the messages of congratulations.

It was only when they got through the first building that Levi realized they were in some sort of wooded resort, dotted with individual cottages. Some were occupied, their lighted windows little squares of yellow against the dark night. When Levi turned inquiring eyes to Erwin, he merely said, "I called in a few favors."

It was more than a favor, the owner of the resort explained as he led them personally to their cottage, his wife trailing amicably behind. It was an honor to be having Humanity's saviors with them on this very special occasion.

Small, lighted stone lamps dotted the trail, lending an intimate touch to a setting that was already profoundly affecting Levi. Seclusion, here with Erwin, after months and months of shared life in the barracks. The only time she had ever felt like this was when they were outside the walls, yet that was a different thing altogether. There were no titans here, yet Levi was not sure if Erwin— her husband, for crying out loud— was not someone she would need to guard herself against.

There was more talk and much admiring once they arrived at their cottage and were shown inside. The interiors were simple yet tastefully done, the nuptial bed about a mile wide and strewn with rose petals. Levi had to suppress a sudden shiver as she glanced at the bed and hastily directed her gaze elsewhere.

The bathroom was a marvel, with a porcelain tub and taps with hot and cold water— such luxury after the three minute showers that Levi was accustomed to in the Corps.

Despite the long tour and the elaborate discussion, talk was soon exhausted and their hosts smilingly bowed out, leaving the two of them alone at last.

"I'm sure you'd want to use the bathroom first," said Erwin, before awkwardness could settle down between them. "Our trunks have yet to arrive but they might be here by the time you're done."

Levi turned without a word and headed to the bathroom. It was only when she was safely in the tub and immersed in warm water that she was able to breathe more freely.

It was going to be a long night, she knew, and there were things to be done. She could not afford to lose control, lose herself. Knowing Erwin, he would probably do his best to offset her plans, maybe even discover a secret or two about her before the night was out. She needed to keep herself together if she wanted to succeed in conquering the man outside whom she had just married.

After what seemed a short while, she emerged from the tub and, after a moment's consideration, decided to draw Erwin some hot water to warm his bath. Their trunks may or may not have arrived, but Levi was damned if she was going to ask Erwin to hand over some of her clothes. After drying herself briskly with a huge towel, she donned one of the pair of soft, terrycloth robes hanging on hooks by the door and stepped out, braced for battle.

She told herself that she was ready to take on Erwin, but she was not prepared to see him lying on the bed, still fully clothed and passed out with a book lying face down on his chest. He looked so peaceful lying there. Apparently, he had merely decided to settle down with a book and had unexpectedly dozed off.

Just how long had she been in the bathroom? Levi wondered. She glanced at the wooden clock across the room and was startled to see that it was almost one in the morning.

"Hey," she said, nudging Erwin awake. He came to with a soft grunt, blinking. "The water's still warm. Better take that bath before sleeping."

He yawned and looked as though he might close his eyes yet again. Levi grabbed hold of his arm and hauled him up to a sitting position.

"Going, going," he muttered with a sleepy smile and Levi had to stop herself from looking away.

 _Concentrate_ , she reminded herself grimly.

She arranged herself on the bed, amidst the fragrant red and pink and white petals, feeling more than a little lost as she waited for Erwin to finish his bath, which she was sure would not take long.

He came out after only ten minutes, clad in the other robe and toweling his hair dry. He paused as he took her in, lounging across the bed in nothing but a bathrobe, her head resting on the palm of one hand, the other one holding his book.

"The History of Trost," she recited before looking up at him with lidded eyes. "Just the sort of reading material for the Commander to bring to his honeymoon."

Erwin laughed. "I've got other selections in the trunks," he offered as he sat down on the tiny divan opposite the bed. "Perhaps Hange sneaked in a romance novel or two. I saw them lurking by one of the trunks when I was packing."

"I wouldn't put it past them," Levi agreed as she gazed at Erwin. "So, what? You're going to be spending the night over there?"

"That depends."

"Don't be dumb, Erwin. You'd have to stick out your shins when you're lying down on that thing. Unless…" Here, Levi lifted a brow. "Unless, of course, you're really tired and would prefer to sleep. An old man like you would need his rest."

"Levi."

"Well, come here then."

He did as he was told, and Levi liked it very much that he was docile and obedient. The feeling of ordering Erwin around was entirely new. She watched his careful approach, the way he paused by the side of the bed, as if unsure, almost shy.

Leisurely, Levi lifted a leg and settled her bare foot on the soft fabric that covered his crotch, enjoying the sound of his rough, indrawn breath as he jolted beneath her light touch. "Funny," she murmured. "And there I was, thinking you were too tired."

He shook his head from side to side, and Levi almost laughed at how boyish Erwin looked at that moment. She let her foot trail against him, feeling him stir and harden beneath the robe.

"You know what I want, Erwin," she said.

"Everything," he replied, his voice deep as he gazed at her with darkening eyes.

"Kissing," she reminded him. "Like I said, there will be no fucking unless you can convince me thoroughly that you're good at kissing first."

"What sort of kisses?" he asked, his voice incredibly soft.

"All sorts," she said. "Whatever you're capable of."

He smiled as Levi waited, her heart pounding, to see how he was going to argue his way out of that one. He didn't. In fact, he did not say a word as he took hold of Levi's foot, cradling it at the ankle and the instep with tender hands as he bent down to kiss it with soft lips.

Levi squirmed, taken slightly off guard. She had not meant for him to start with her foot, but whatever. The bastard was showing himself to be quite resourceful, and Levi was curious. She watched, hardly breathing, as he trailed his lips to her instep. Without warning, she felt his tongue against the sensitive arch and she almost jerked away.

"Not the toes," she warned, seeing the intent in his eyes. "You're gross, you know that?"

He chuckled, a rich dark sound she had never heard before. All the while, he held her foot securely with the fingers of one hand and he bent down to pay homage to her ankle, her shin. He sank down onto the bed as he progressed up her knee and paused at the junction where leg gave way to thigh and her skin changed, became more sensitive.

She shot out a warning hand just when she thought he would continue, and he captured her hand, pressed a kiss into her knuckles.

"How am I doing so far?" he queried, and smiled as she set her lips together in a stubborn line.

"Not bad," she conceded.

"Only not bad?" he asked teasingly as he took her index and middle fingers into his mouth and sucked.

She bit back a moan, body tensing at the unmistakable, explicit message of his tongue fluttering against her fingers. She stared at him almost in disbelief. Could this be the same man who sat behind the Commander's desk, stiff and correct, his face a smooth mask as he issued orders for an entire garrison of soldiers?

As he released her fingers from his mouth with a soft pop, Levi wondered whether she had underestimated him yet again. It was a dangerous trait of his, along with his devious, talented mouth which now sought hers without any trace of shyness.

Levi moaned into his open mouth as he devoured her, his kisses warm, thorough. _This._ During their past kisses, she'd had a fleeting idea of what he was capable of. Yet she was surprised by the depth of his feelings, hidden until now.

He left her gasping softly for breath when he was done with her mouth. She felt him trail moist kisses down her throat, his cheek rough against her skin, and before she realized it, he had parted the vee of her robe to gaze at her small, bare breasts, free of their bindings for once.

"Beautiful," he murmured. "You're so beautiful, Levi."

"Erwin, wait." It was a mere whisper. He may not have heard it as he bent down to take a dark nipple into his mouth.

She had a plan, she told herself. She had a plan of her own but right now, she could not seem to remember what it was.

Levi could not suppress a low cry as her back arched, her body responding all by itself to that hot mouth, that authoritative tongue as it teased her nipple into a hard, throbbing nub of flesh. Her hands were in his hair without her knowing it, and now she pressed his head down as he transferred his attention to her other, waiting breast. It felt good, the way he suckled at her flesh. It felt too good.

She was so distracted by his mouth that she almost did not feel his hand and those long, calloused fingers trailing down the firm muscles of her abdomen, heading south. Suddenly panicked, she shot a hand down to stop him.

He looked up at her; his hair, always so immaculately combed, falling over his eyes. "I'm sorry, love," he said, his voice reassuring. "I forget myself. Kisses only, yes?"

Without waiting for her reply, he parted her legs and placed a swift kiss on the inside of one thigh.

"Wait," gasped Levi, her voice ragged.

Erwin lifted his head again, and Levi saw the slowly spreading smile on his lips, the glint of satisfaction in those heavy lidded blue eyes.

"What's the matter, Levi?" he asked, his voice silky. "I thought you wanted kisses. All sorts, you said."

Levi cursed. "This is payback, isn't it? For yesterday?"

Erwin gave a low, rich laugh. "I don't know what you mean, darling," he said before dipping his head once again between Levi's legs.

 _Fuck this man_ , thought Levi just before she lost all coherent thought.

 _Her fucking husband._

She cried out as he bit gently at the sensitive skin of her inner thigh before soothing the hurt away with his tongue, his fingers spreading her apart as his lips trailed higher, just a little bit higher until he was _there._

She startled herself with the scream that left her lips as she felt his pointed tongue on her delicate folds, tracing against them lightly before delving in deeper, opening her at last to the gentle but insistent probing of his tongue.

"Hush, love, not so loud," he said, laughter in his voice before he bent down again to lap at her.

She bit down on a fist to muffle her cries as she shoved frantic fingers into his hair, clutching at him tightly as he found her clitoris, swollen and sensitive against his rough, circling tongue. She bucked against him, urging him to pick up the rhythm he had started with his mouth; to love her like no other man had ever done.

She jolted as she felt his hand reach up to caress her breast, the small mound readily fitting into his huge hand.

"Here, touch yourself," he said as she reached up with a tentative hand to lace her fingers through his. "Take what you want, darling. Everything you want. Everything you need. It's all yours."

The musky scent of arousal was thick in the air, mingling with the faint perfume of roses. Her scent. She breathed it in, her mouth softly open as she touched her breasts, her nipples, the sensations sharply pleasurable as it shot down her body, combining with the touch of her lover's mouth against her wet, molten core. She was mindless to everything except his clever tongue that knew how to please her. The waves grew stronger as her body hungrily gathered itself in, coiling hard and tight as she thrashed against him, seeking release, the filling of a void she had never known existed within her.

At the last moment she felt him pull back to plunge his tongue deep inside her, his stubbled cheek rubbing against her most sensitive point. She could not muffle the scream as her body arched off the bed, succumbing to the spasms that coursed through her— wave after glorious wave of delight.

Slowly, she came back to herself to find Erwin moving, his huge body sprawled against her legs, his hand wrapped around his engorged length, urgently moving. As she watched, he stiffened as white shot out from between his fingers. He groaned as he slumped against her.

Except for their panting breaths, everything was silent for a moment.

Finally, Levi licked her dry lips and said, "You…you could have…inside me…"

Erwin was smiling as he lifted his head, as he moved to kiss her. It was a night of firsts as she tasted herself on his tongue.

"Soon, darling," he promised. "We've got time for that. As soon as we have a little talk first thing in the morning. For now…"

He moved to cover Levi with the blankets, rose petals fluttering all around them. Erwin spooned behind her as she curled into a tight ball, her sated body still thrumming with aftershocks.

"I hope this settles once and for all any doubts my wife may have with regards my kissing abilities," he whispered into her ear, even as she wondered how on earth she could have underestimated him so thoroughly.

* * *

Teaser for the next chapter:

Erwin stared at Levi, blue eyes wide. "Levi?" he said incredulously. "Levi?!"

Levi smiled through clenched teeth. "My turn," she said.

 _(It's ultrashort, I know, but let's just say the fun continues, hohoho…)_


	8. Chapter 8

**A Choice With No Regrets**

 _ **Attack on Titan fanfiction**_

 **By**

 **Blue Sonnet (Nana_41175)**

 **Chapter Eight**

* * *

Levi did not know how long she slept, but definitely it was longer than what she was used to.

She awoke to birdsong by the windows. The liquid, trilling sound was so unusual that she had to pause for a moment, blinking drowsily, wondering what it was. Wondering where she was. In bed. Not the hard one in the barracks but something so much nicer, so soft and comfortable and warm. The texture of the pillow beneath her cheek was smooth, the bed linens wrapped around her luxurious. They felt wonderful against her skin. She felt wonderful.

It was only when she tried to stretch that she realized that there were more than blankets wrapped around her. There was also an arm, heavy with muscle, flung across her waist.

Slowly, she sat up, body tensing and the last traces of sleep deserting her as she remembered everything from last night.

Erwin. She had married Erwin Smith only yesterday and last night they had…done things.

She flushed as she remembered Erwin's obscene kisses and the noises which had escaped her, sounds which she never thought herself capable of making.

If Erwin had awakened at that moment, she would have been off the bed like a scalded cat, but he slept on by her side, his breathing soft and regular. Levi peered at him carefully before she slowly relaxed and took stock of the situation.

She had really done it— married Erwin. More than that, she had let him make love to her with his mouth.

 _Oh god, that fucking mouth._

Her face hot, she slowly let fall the sheet that she clutched to her chest, like a raw virgin.

 _Fuck_ , she thought as she saw the marks on her breasts, her arms. He had marked her with his hands and lips, all over. She couldn't bring herself to look further down; she was sure there would be more there. She still felt slick from last night, the wet feeling between her thighs a curious sensation, a little uncomfortable. She did not know what was more revolting: the fact that she did not clean up immediately afterward, or the fact that she could not bring herself to be sorry about it.

Well, she ought to get going now.

Erwin breathed out a sigh and shifted as she tried to ease away from his arm, and she wondered why she was being all quiet and stealthy. She ought to just nudge him aside, give him a rude awakening.

Or…

Or she could just look at him while he slept, take in the man who never let down his guard. She would never have this chance when he was awake.

In sleep, Erwin looked almost youthful, the lines around his mouth almost nonexistent. Levi took in the disheveled hair, normally perfectly combed- strands of gold lining the white pillow, those sharp cheekbones, the graceful curve of his neck.

There was more, hidden beneath the linen sheets. Levi realized that she had not really seen his body last night. He had made sure to focus on her and her pleasure.

It was time the tables were turned.

The moment she thought it, she acted on it, reaching out with a hand to softly pull the sheet down from Erwin, slowly unveiling his body to her sight.

How on earth the man could be so beautiful was beyond her. His body was lean but muscular, the shoulders broad, his chest and arms perfectly well-proportioned. There was a sprinkling of fine golden hair on his chest, trailing down his flat, muscled abdomen and almost teasing her as it disappeared just beneath the white linen that covered his pelvis.

Levi swallowed and let the sheet fall away entirely from the man who had just become her husband. She stared, dry mouthed, at the thing nestled between Erwin's thighs which she had only had a glimpse of last night. It lay, quiescent for the moment, as Levi let her eyes roam down Erwin's legs, well-sculpted and heavy with saddle muscle. Her gaze trailed back up, unable to help itself— back to that thick, long shaft, as impressive as the man himself.

She did not know how it came to be, but she had got herself a splendid man, she realized. She licked her lips as she reached out a hand and let it trail lightly over Erwin's inner thigh, the way he had done to her last night.

Erwin sighed in his sleep, unwittingly shifting to open himself fractionally to her touch. She saw the change in him immediately, the slight twitch down his length. Unable to resist, she reached out a finger to touch him, ghosting over the myriad conflicting textures— the firm head of his cock contrasting with the skin of the shaft and the flesh encased within: steel in velvet. She felt him gradually coming alive as she trailed soft, teasing fingers up and down his length. He was going to be huge when he was fully erect.

She closed her fingers around him when she saw the first clear drop beading the tip of his cock. A shiver ran through Erwin as his body slowly began to stir, awareness slowly seeping in even as he slept on, his head carelessly tossed back against the pillows. His eyes remained closed although his eyebrows slowly gathered into a frown, as though he were puzzling over a dream.

The first sound escaped his lips—a heavy exhale—as she stroked him, slowly, carefully, establishing a rhythm that was barely there, her fingers wrapped lightly around him, smearing pre-come from the head of his cock to the shaft.

What must he taste like? She wondered. He'd had no qualms tasting her last night, and the thought emboldened her as she bent down to lick experimentally at the leaking head. It did not resemble anything she had ever known, yet contrary to expectations, it was not too bad, and the scent of Erwin was such that she bent down for another taste, her tongue soft as she flicked it over the rosy head again and again, like a cat lapping milk.

She knew when he finally came to, his body tensing as a jolt of awareness ran through him. She heard the sharp, shocked intake of breath, the moan that rumbled in his throat, and all Levi did was to tighten her grip on his straining shaft, forcing him into stillness.

Slowly, she raised her eyes to find him looking back at her, blinking the sleep from his eyes.

"Took you this long," she said.

"Morning," he croaked. His mouth twisted into a smile as he continued, "this is a nice way to wake up."

"You can't touch me," she said, "otherwise this is going to end before it's even started."

"You're not playing fair, Levi."

"Neither do you," she replied as she bent down once again to take him into her mouth. She watched as his mouth fell open, eyes drifting blissfully shut. His body undulated beneath her, hips slowly thrusting even as his hands curled into fists against the white sheets.

"This is definitely payback for last night, isn't it," he said, almost gasping.

"Definitely," she agreed before taking him in again as far as she could without choking. She watched as his body arched off the bed, liking the strangled sound that escaped him, liking the feeling that she could do this to him; that she could take him apart just as he had done with her. He had grown so big that she could only focus her attention on the swollen head, treating it with a strong, unfaltering suction as her fingers slid up and down his shaft. She wondered how he was going to fit inside her.

There was only one way to find out.

Erwin stared at Levi, blue eyes wide as she moved to straddle him. "Levi?" he said incredulously. _"Levi?!"_

Levi smiled through clenched teeth. "My turn," she said, flinging aside his hands as he tried to stop her, to push her away. She could see he was torn, the reluctance of his hands contrasting with the eagerness of his cock as she took him in hand.

He was so fucking huge. He might split her open but Levi resolutely pushed down, willing her inner muscles to relax as he glided in. There was pain and a strange fullness, but they were nothing compared to the sight of Erwin, throwing his head back as he groaned aloud, her slick tightness proving too much for him. At the last few inches, he thrust his hips up, fully sheathing himself inside her.

"I thought we were supposed to talk about this," he ground out.

"Move, asshole," she merely said.

At that point, he could do nothing but oblige, their shared rhythm rough from the onset. She rode him, quickly growing attuned to his movements, matching his every thrust with a tight, clenching movement of her own. Ever disobedient, his hands moved to clasp her hips, sliding up to cup her breasts, but she was beyond caring. He felt so good. She felt a hand gliding up her throat, his fingers tender against her open lips. She leaned her cheek against the cup of his palm, savoring the gentleness of his hand even as he grew only harder inside her. She looked down to see him looking at her, his eyes glazed with pleasure, and the emotion that moved through her was something she could not describe.

She could feel the pained pleasure as it rose to grip her, threatening to overwhelm her. It was suddenly harder to stay upright as her body started to lose control, the way she seemed to lose the feel of her bones. She felt his hands against her own, guiding her to take the bed post behind him to steady herself as he wrapped his hands securely around her slim waist, anchoring her to him.

She strained against him as he surged within her, taking him deep each time, her gasps mingling with his moans as the pleasure suddenly peaked. She grew taut against him as the rhythm slipped away from them, his hips snapping, brutally wonderful, his cry of release a beautiful, broken sound in her ears. She felt him fill her even as she shuddered with her own spasms.

Slow minutes passed as she lay on his chest, gathering her breath back and listening to the strong beat of his heart. His hand was in her hair, his fingers gentle. His voice, when he spoke, was different: "I thought we were going to talk about this."

She had wondered when he was going to show up, and suddenly, there he was: the Commander.

She rose to regard Erwin, her eyes hooded, ready with a biting retort, and paused as she took in his expression, the unfamiliar softness in his eyes. Abruptly, she changed tact. "Later," she said as she touched her lips to his. She moved away before he could deepen the kiss. "We can talk later. It's still early. Sleep."

Oddly enough, he did just that. He must be very tired, Levi thought as she lay beside him, watching as he drifted away and wondering what he would think; how he might react when he awoke several hours later to find himself alone.

* * *

 _Teaser for the next chapter:_

"You," said Erwin, his gaze intense, disconcerting. "I'm in this for you, Levi."


	9. Chapter 9

**A Choice With No Regrets**

 _ **Attack on Titan fanfiction**_

 **By**

 **Blue Sonnet (Nana_41175)**

 **Chapter Nine**

* * *

It was already past noon when Erwin awoke with a start, the transition from dreaming to wakefulness so abrupt that he could still hear his dream conversation with Mike echoing in his ears. Levi. Naturally, they had been talking about Levi. Everyone in the Survey Corps had not been able to talk about anything else for the past week or so.

Erwin slowly sat up, the sheets pooling around his waist, and a brief scan of the room told him that Levi had gone out. Naturally, she would not be hanging around their room for hours, waiting for him to wake up.

He could blame it on his body and his age, but the simple truth was that Erwin had pushed himself beyond all endurance during the last, frenzied week. He had not slept for more than two or three hours at a stretch since Levi's accident, since the discovery of her secret. There had been so many things to take care of and once the immediate dangers had passed, his body had made sure to remind him that he was only human.

Only human, he thought as he tossed aside the covers to get to his feet, his nakedness bringing back memories from last night and earlier that morning; incredible memories of the wild, wonderful creature he had married, knowledgeable and vulnerable all at once. Who would have thought that he would be getting laid so much at this point in his life? He would have laughed if anyone had even suggested the possibility to him two weeks ago. But then he'd not known about Levi's secret at the time.

He remembered the day he had known; the complete shock of it dwarfing even the news that Levi had been injured. He remembered the actual conversation he had with Mike, long after the other officers had gone from his office. The emergency meeting had been held so he could gauge his officers' reaction to the news and to secure their cooperation in getting Levi to stay in the Corps.

"You must have known, one way or another," Mike had insisted. "It's not possible that you didn't have a clue about her, Erwin."

"If I had known, do you think I would have let her stay with all the other men in the barracks?" Erwin had countered. "Given your sense of smell, I thought that you must have known, somehow, and neglected to tell me."

Mike had sniffed. "Well," he had said. "She always smelled pleasant. That didn't mean she smelled different."

Erwin had been silent for a while before he said, "I didn't have a clue, Mike. She was that good. She must have hidden herself for years until it became almost second nature to her. She may even have been raised as a boy." Almost as an afterthought, he had added, "It would have been an advantage, given the state of the Underground."

He had said it matter-of-factly, but Erwin's blood had run cold at the thought of Levi growing up as a girl in such a place.

"Still, it's a wonder that nobody in the Corps caught on," he had continued, and they had both understood what he meant: barracks life was a communal thing in so many ways, beginning with the showers and the shared meals. Suddenly, Levi's fastidiousness and solitary streak had made sense.

"That would account for the showers in the wee hours of the morning," Mike had agreed. "And there we thought Levi was just an oddball and an insomniac."

There had been a short silence before Mike said, very softly, "I shoved her head into the mud, the first time we saw her."

And after that, I made her my perfect little killing machine, Erwin had thought grimly.

"We're in so much trouble, aren't we?" Mike continued when Erwin was silent.

"Very much so, I'm afraid."

"What can we do, Erwin?"

"We only have one option, and I am not letting them take Levi away."

"And what option would this be?"

"I'm marrying her, Mike."

As expected, Mike had looked thunderstruck. "You can't be serious."

"Why not?" Erwin had smiled. "Finally, here's where my bachelor state will come in handy. Everyone's been clamoring for me to get married for years."

Mike had eyed him strangely, and Erwin had waited, thinking Mike was going to bring up the topic of Marie. It would have to be Marie, the one woman in his life he had ever considered marrying, back when he had been whole and undamaged. Mike had known all about Marie. He could not possibly know of Erwin's feelings for Levi, and there was no way for Erwin to tell him that there was a world of difference between the two women, that he had broken the engagement with Marie under the pretext that he could not make her happy, and while it may be true, there was an underlying reason which was much more simple: because he could afford to let go of her. With Levi, it was entirely different.

Instead of bringing up Marie, Mike had surprised him by saying, "What makes you think Levi will have you?"

It had come from nowhere, and try as he would to laugh it off, Mike's question had touched a nerve. "Why don't we ask her as soon as she wakes up?" Erwin had said.

"And if she refuses to marry you?"

"Then that's the end of us." In more ways than one, Erwin had thought.

"That's not much of a choice, Erwin," Mike had said dryly. "Still, you'd go this far for her?"

"I would do this for the Corps."

It had not been a lie, but then it had not been the entire truth, either. It was something in between; something that he, Erwin, apparently specialized in. His devotion to the Corps was something familiar and unassailable, and time and again, it was an excuse big enough to hide his own desires in as well— a most convenient arrangement. On Levi's part, Erwin had noticed the way she would not look at him when they spoke, and the way she did, when she thought he was not looking. It was a far shot, but Erwin had been willing to gamble everything based on a hunch. What else had he got to lose, if he lost Levi?

Mike had merely snorted at his words, and then he had let the matter drop when Levi had accepted Erwin's marriage proposal. "You win, as always," Mike had said.

That had been a week ago, and thinking back on that conversation, Erwin wondered whether it would be easier if he had just come clean; if he could just go right up to Levi and tell her how he felt about her.

Of course, it was easier said than done, and Erwin knew that he and Levi were two of a kind, which was why they worked so well together. He was not into confessions and grand declarations of love, and neither was the little firebrand he had married. Also, he could tell that they were after the same thing— conquest. He liked the challenge that she posed; he always had, and judging from their shared pleasures last night and earlier that morning, Erwin knew that their union was not going to be a boring one.

They would need to have that talk, then; the earlier the better.

He showered and shaved, and dressed in a casual shirt and dark trousers, he stepped out in search of Levi.

The resort they were staying in was huge and thickly wooded, and it quickly became apparent to Erwin that he would succeed in finding his wife much more quickly by dispatching a person or two with a message. He had checked their luggage and noted that a 3DMG they had brought along was missing, which meant that Levi had taken to the trees. He also knew that Levi, when she chose not to be seen, would be difficult to find.

The innkeepers had already finished serving lunch at the dining pavilion by the time he arrived, but they could start making an early tea on request, which was perfect. No, said one of the servers when asked. They had not seen Captain Levi during lunch.

Erwin sat down at one of the small, round tables by the windows, and the note he was starting to write was not coming together very well: Levi, I know you need time, but

Just then a shrill voice called out, "Erwin! Erwin Smith!"

He had not seen the lady in question for months now, but he recalled the timber of her voice perfectly. As he watched her make her way over to his table, Erwin crossed out his former message and quickly wrote a new one: Urgent. Come at once.

* * *

Levi had not been on the gear for a little more than a week, but it felt like a year. Still, it was refreshing to take to the air and the trees, and to feel like herself again as she went through the familiar training exercises with the 3DMG.

Still the same, she said to herself, over and over as she whirled and somersaulted in the air, skipping from one tree branch to another, nimble as a bird, the world reduced to a green blur around her. Still the same.

She was still the same Levi despite the tumultuous events of the past week. The same Levi even as she felt the betrayal of her body, the caving in to need and lust, the craving that Erwin had awakened inside her, hot and heavy in her belly, and farther below. She had cleaned herself meticulously, yet she could still feel the aftermath of Erwin between her legs.

Heat tainted her cheeks as she remembered how she had taken Erwin that morning. It was supposed to be an exorcism, a way of flushing him out of her system. Yet Erwin had surprised her yet again, as he had done last night, by turning the tables and possessing her in turn. She wondered how he would react if she were to admit that it had been her first time with a man, with anyone.

A fucking virgin.

Erwin would not have thought it possible, given that she had lived in the Underground almost her entire life, but it was the truth.

It had taken her a while to understand and accept what her mother did for a living, but Levi would always remember how her mother had loved and protected her until she could no longer do so. The man who came afterward was a criminal through and through, but Levi could not deny that he had also cared for her in his own way with his harsh lessons on survival, and her very first lesson had been to conceal all vulnerabilities, beginning with who she really was. That, and also because Levi suspected that the man, Kenny, had not known what to do with her as a girl. It was better that she was treated as a boy; she had the instincts for it, anyway.

She had been fine with all of that. She had survived against all odds, and she had thrived, and until Erwin came along, with his hopes and dreams for humanity and his many kindnesses, she had never known what it felt like to lack anything.

Now she did, and it was ghastly to feel the loss of control she felt over this man, the first one she had ever come to respect. This man, with his ambitions and his ruthless ways of getting what he wanted. And he wanted her. That much she was certain, but not in the way she hoped. He had taken her, but could she really trust him not to break her heart?

Levi huffed as she rested on a tree branch, gathering her breath. Now she was sounding like one of those sappy heroines from Hange's novels. How could she possibly stoop this low?

She was running out of gas, and somebody was calling out her name from below. One of the servant boys was looking for her. There was a message for her, written in Erwin's brief, unsparing style.

Urgent. Come at once.

What the fuck had he gotten himself into now? She thought irritably as she made her descent. If it was just so they could talk The Talk, then Erwin was using a large hammer to crack a nut.

It was not until she got to the pavilion that Levi realized that Erwin was not exaggerating.

The pavilion was designed as a glasshouse, and she saw Erwin as she came in, seated amidst the picturesque greenery, looking calm and relaxed. Tea was being served on the table before him, and it was only when the waiter moved away that Levi realized who was sitting beside Erwin.

Lady Fucking Burlow.

* * *

"Hello, darling," Erwin said, rising to his feet as Levi approached. As an extra measure, he moved to take Levi's hand, raising it to his lips.

The gesture did not help very much. Levi's narrow gaze was pinned on the woman who sat a few feet away, smile frozen in place.

"Tea?" Erwin said as Levi continued to stand there and glare, her gaze growing colder by the second.

Lady Burlow turned away from Levi and said, in melting tones, "by all means, Erwin. It's been a while and we have a lot to catch up on."

Erwin looked up and said brightly, "Ah, but I see that your husband has arrived, my lady."

A man, much older than Lady Burlow, came over. Erwin thought he would never come. He knew the gentleman, a nobleman who had donated to the Survey Corps in the past. The next few minutes were unavoidable as greetings were exchanged and introductions were made. Once the flurry subsided, the man bent down to take Lady Burlow's elbow.

"Come dear, the carriage has arrived," he said.

"But surely it can wait until we've had some tea," she protested.

"We've just had lunch, if you will recall, my dear," the good man said and, making their excuses, he departed with his reluctant wife in tow.

Relieved, Erwin glanced at Levi. He would have laughed if Levi had not raised a warning hand. "Spare me the shit," she said as she moved to take a seat.

"She just got married as well, Levi," he said, watching Levi as she wolfed down a sandwich. "She's here for her honeymoon, the same as us."

"I don't care," Levi replied, lifting her teacup by the rim to take a sip.

"I know the husband," said Erwin. "He donated generously to us, once or twice."

Levi slammed down her teacup. "You should have just married her when she was throwing herself all over you a few months ago," she said. "That way you'd have no problem funding the Corps."

"Levi," said Erwin, smiling despite himself. "Oh, Levi."

Levi's frown deepened. "What the hell are you smiling about?"

"You," Erwin said. "I've not expected you to be jealous, but I am flattered."

"You flatter yourself," Levi said shortly as she made to stand up, grabbing at her equipment.

Erwin let her storm off, thinking the long walk back to their cottage would provide enough time for her to cool down. It seemed impossible that she would be so angry, and over something so trivial. He trailed leisurely after her, and it was not until they had reached their cottage and Levi had opened the door that Erwin made his move.

"Fuck!" she exploded as Erwin whisked her off her feet, the 3DMG falling with a clutter on the stone pavement outside as he kicked the door shut behind them. "Put me down, you asshole!"

Levi's weight was not to be underestimated, nor were her fists and her feet as she punched and kicked in his arms. She meant every bit of it, too. The bed took an eternity to reach and it took Erwin everything he had not to drop her along the way. She was rolling off the bed as soon as she landed on it, and Erwin had to reach over and stop her. The struggle that ensued was brief but intense.

"You only have to ask, Levi," he rasped, his hands on her wrists as she tried to squirm out of his grasp. He wedged a knee in between her legs to stop her from kicking him in the groin, and Levi suddenly froze.

She watched, eyes going wide as he looked down at her, his gaze intense, disconcerting, his mouth twisting into a wry smile. "Go ahead and ask me why I married you."

"You're being stupid," she said, panting.

"You," Erwin said, his voice tenderly possessive. "I'm in this for you, Levi."

He would have kissed her then, but Levi squeezed her eyes shut as she turned her head away.

"Get off me." The note of panic in her voice made Erwin hesitate, and he suddenly doubled over, grunting in pain as her fist connected with his stomach.

"You're rusty, Erwin," she said as she moved rough hands over him, turning him over on his back as she pinned him to the mattress. "I can't believe you'd get taken in by that."

Erwin let out a laugh. "That's my Levi," he said, sounding winded.

He felt her shaking above him and realized that she was laughing silently.

"Levi," he said, reaching up a hand to touch her face, wishing he could hear her laughter.

The smile faded from her lips as she looked down at him, her eyes opaque. Slowly, she lowered her head to touch his lips with hers, once, twice. She licked into his mouth the third time, her hand quickly finding him through his trousers.

He had a harder time as she was fully strapped into the 3DMG harness. He sat up to tug off her long boots, quickly undoing the leather straps that wound their way through her feet and her legs even as she worked to unbuckle the upper straps. His hands were unsteady as he pushed down her pants, tight against her flesh. Impatiently, he tugged them down and off her legs, his fingers encountering heat and moisture as they dipped into her, searching out the tiny, hidden nub of sensitive flesh and finding it already plump and wet against his fingertips.

She shivered against him as he stroked her, his mouth falling open as she mirrored his movements with a hand that encircled his own shaft. For a moment, they lay side by side, reveling in the way they touched each other.

"Levi," Erwin breathed. "That talk we were supposed to have…"

Levi shook her head, her words coming in between soft gasps, "if it's a brat you're worried about, don't."

She closed her fingers firmly around his cock and gave him a small tug. "Now come here and mount me," she said.

He braced himself on his elbows as she took him in slowly, so slowly that he had to grit his teeth to keep himself from plunging in. He could tell from the way she bit her lower lip that she was not used to this, that she found him too big, and he wanted her take her pleasure.

He let her set the pace, moving only when she commanded him to. It quickly became too much as they found their rhythm, the way she clung to him, inside and out: her arms and legs wrapped tight around him as he thrust into her, the friction and her liquid heat his undoing. She took his mouth as well, swallowing his moans as they moved through the long, jagged waves of delight.

Afterward, she turned her back to him, and as he moved to spoon against her, he heard her say in a low voice, "I don't think I can give you any brats, Erwin, even if you'd want one. My body…I'm not like other women. I'm broken."

He wrapped his arms around her and held her close as he murmured against the skin of her neck: "I told you, Levi, I'm in this for you. Nothing but you."

He wanted to say more, but he couldn't push the words past his tongue, how he was not intact himself, but that could wait for another day.

For now they had enough pieces of each other to make up one whole human being.


	10. Chapter 10

**A Choice With No Regrets**

 _ **Attack on Titan fanfiction**_

 **By**

 **Blue Sonnet (Nana_41175)**

 **Chapter Ten**

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** Well, I don't know about you guys, but the spoilers to chapter 81 of the manga just destroyed me! So here's a little something to sweeten things up between Levi and Erwin. Wipe away the tears and enjoy, everyone!

* * *

They had made the bed, Levi noticed vaguely.

During the time they were gone from the cottage, somebody had come to change the sheets, plump up the pillows and arrange the blankets so that they had a perfectly made bed beneath them.

And now they had mucked it all up again. Lying on the rumpled sheets, Levi felt sticky, with sweat from her morning exercises drying on her skin and Erwin's come trickling between her legs. The latter was fast turning into a routine.

Levi felt the man himself close behind her, so close that she could feel the warmth of his long, hard body; the texture of rough body hair and male skin that she had yet to get used to. He had propped himself up on an elbow, and she felt the long fingers of one hand tracing the marks and indentations that the 3DMG harness had left on her body, on her back and scapulae. His touch was light and slow, teasing and inquisitive. She fought not to shiver, to show no emotion at all as his lips brushed a kiss against her ear.

"I can get used to this," Erwin whispered. She could hear the smile in his voice and she hated the way her heart contracted painfully at the thought of Erwin, smiling. She'd never seen him smile so much before. Their work in the Survey Corps very rarely gave Erwin any opportunities to really do so, and now Levi felt she could drown in them. She wondered how it had escaped her that Erwin had dimples.

There was that familiar feeling of suffocation descending on her and without a word, she made a move to get up.

She felt his hand sliding around her waist. "Stay," he said.

There was no force in the arm that encircled her. She could easily pry it loose, but she paused.

"I thought we're done talking," she said, not turning her head to see him. All of a sudden, she felt unbearably shy.

"There is a lot more to talk about other than having kids," Erwin replied.

She knew what he meant but she did not feel like discussing their marriage and the way it would change their roles in the Survey Corps. Not yet, anyway.

"I reek," she merely said, and slid away from his arm. He did not try to stop her as she stood up.

She could feel the disappointment in the heavy silence behind her as she walked across the room toward the bathroom. She paused by the door to glance at Erwin, still lying on the bed, watching her with what looked like dejection in those bright blue eyes. She would have smiled; instead she left the door open as she went inside.

She had finished scrubbing up and was in the tub with the warm water to her shoulders, wondering if he got her message, when Erwin appeared by the doorway. She watched as he walked up to her, gloriously, unabashedly naked. Without a word, he got into the tub with her, settling down behind her so that she sat between his long legs. For a while, there was only the sound of the dripping faucet, and the steam curling up all around them from the water. Almost against her will, Levi felt herself relax incrementally into Erwin's arms. She did not resist when he took up a washcloth and passed it over her shoulders, her collarbone.

His voice, when he spoke, was soothing: "I'm sorry if you were overwhelmed earlier. I didn't mean to pin you down to the bed."

So, he had noticed that her momentary panic was genuine. "You really like to flatter yourself, don't you," she said with a bored sigh.

Behind her, she felt a rumble of laughter deep in his chest. Erwin passed the washcloth over her arm, raising it as he did so to lock her hand in his. Her heart was beating so fast that she thought he must hear it. Levi let her arm stay heavy and languid as he studied her hand.

"So beautiful," he murmured. "The things you do for me with these capable hands, Levi."

She couldn't resist: "What, like grabbing your cock?"

Erwin chuckled, and seemingly by accident, she felt the washcloth brush against one breast. She suppressed a shiver as she felt herself twitch at the slight contact, wondering how she could want him again, so soon after she'd had him.

"That, among other things," he agreed. "I have a feeling you like my cock."

"I do like Little Erwin," Levi said, and Erwin actually laughed.

He did not look away as she turned her head slightly to peer at him. "I suppose you find a lot of things surprising about me," he said, reading her thoughts. He passed the washcloth over her other arm.

"I didn't realize you have dimples," she finally said.

He gave her a wry smile that dimpled his left cheek. "Only when the smile is deep enough," he said.

There was that washcloth again, wiping over her sternum in a slow, soothing circle before disappearing below the water, drifting down over her abdomen, her navel. Almost without her knowing it, Levi leaned her head back against Erwin's shoulder and opened her thighs.

"Beautiful," she heard Erwin murmur in her ear as she felt his touch drift lower. "You've always been beautiful, Levi, but until now I just never realized how much."

She felt her face grow warm at his words and hoped he would pass it off as an effect of the steaming water, yet she could not disguise her body's response to his teasing touch. Her breath caught as she felt the washcloth between her legs, rubbing at her softly, experimentally, as if seeking permission. The friction was delicious, but not enough. She willed herself to close her mouth before a moan could escape. "Don't tease me," she said through gritted teeth, almost hissing. "If you're going to, touch me with your hand."

"Now, aren't we just a bit greedy?" Erwin whispered, and Levi could feel his mouth stretched into a smile as he nipped gently at her neck.

"Don't fuck with me, Erwin," Levi warned, and she could not help arching into his touch. He was almost there where she needed him most, the alien texture of the washcloth a frustrating and titillating thing all at once.

"Alas, my body is still recovering," he said regretfully. It was true, she could feel him at the small of her back, and he was soft, almost uninterested. "Excuse me, my love. I'm not as young as I used to be. You, on the other hand…"

"Fuck you," Levi said, the curse coming out most unconvincingly as a groan. She found it hard to focus when he used endearments— another weapon in his arsenal. Her hand clamped down over his under the water, demanding, urging him to go faster, harder.

"Levi, Levi," he said, his tone gently reproachful as he took his hand away.

Levi cursed again. "Fine," she bit out. "Who needs you. I'd just do myself."

"No." The calmness of his voice belied his firm grip as Erwin's hand closed over Levi's own, immobilizing her. "Perhaps you'd care to show me how you pleasure yourself, darling, but that would have to wait another day."

The bastard was being insufferable. She could elbow him, perhaps even break a rib or two. She could do that before she stormed out of the tub in a huff, but his gaze stopped her. "Do you trust me, Levi?" he said softly.

"Ask," he continued when she fell silent. "All you have to do is ask, Levi. Always. Please."

Levi ran her tongue over her dry lips, and her words, when they came, were almost inaudible: "I want you to touch me."

"Where?" he breathed.

 _Fuck you!_ Levi thought savagely as she twisted her head away. Her next words were almost bitten out, one by one: "on my cunt. I want— _ahh…!"_

She heard his intake of breath at her coarseness, and her sudden cry seemed too loud in the closed confines of the bathroom. It bounced off the walls, echoing in the chamber. It was mortifying, but Levi could not help it, not when she felt Erwin's bare fingers against her flesh, minus the washcloth, caressing her, knowing fully well what she craved and how she wanted it.

"There, darling. That's it," murmured Erwin encouragingly as she moved against him, seeking to deepen the contact. The water muted his touch and slowed down his movements, and Levi could not get enough.

She wanted— _needed_ — more. She gasped as she felt Erwin's other hand on her breast, teasing her nipple, his mouth against her neck, sucking at her skin and laving at it with his tongue. She forced her mouth shut against the moans that threatened to erupt from deep within her.

"Don't keep it in," Erwin implored. "I want to hear you, just like last night. Please, darling."

His words worked to undo her resolve. She did not know how the urgent, almost pained sounds she made could be so shameless, so devoid of any inhibition. She moaned as she pushed herself against his hand, her hand gripping tightly at his arm, her other hand grabbing at the side of his head. The excruciating pleasure built so slowly, rising within her until she was suddenly there, coming against Erwin's fingers, release radiating through her in sleepy, concentric waves.

For a while, she felt like floating, weightless on the water, until she felt his arms move to envelope her. Until then, she did not realize she was leaning against him, hard, her head thrown back against his shoulder in abandon. There was water everywhere, splashed on the walls, the floor.

"Darling Levi," he murmured against her temple, even as she struggled to understand what had just happened. At this very hour yesterday, she had never had sex in her entire life and since sunrise this morning, she'd had three orgasms and the day was not yet over. It was unbelievable, the world of difference a single day could bring.

She flushed as she risked a peek at Erwin, growing shy as he merely chuckled fondly. His voice was low in her ear as he said, "I love that you know what you want and that you're not afraid to ask for it."

"I'm not afraid of anything," she said, bristling a little.

Erwin laughed softly. "I know that, darling, and I hope you won't be jealous of poor Lady Burlow from now on. Believe me, there will be more advances from her, beginning with an invitation for dinner later. The husband is worth talking to, for obvious reasons."

Levi grew still as she listened to Erwin outline Lady Burlow's possible schemes and his counterplan, which included Lady Burlow's husband. It never ceased to amaze her that the Commander was there all along, right beside the newly revealed lover in Erwin, emerging cool and collected as ever to take control of a situation which had presented itself with a realm of possibilities for the taking.

"I hope you don't mind my mixing some business with pleasure, my love?" he asked at the end of it.

 _Would I be able to stop you?_ She wondered.

"Just don't get carried away," warned Levi, hating that she had to say it, despite Erwin's words.

"Rest assured," he said, smiling, "that there has only been one person who is able to induce that kind of effect on me, and I married her."

Erwin's predictions came true the moment they stepped out of the bathroom. Their bell chimed, and a liveried footman waited outside their door with a gilt-edged card heralding an invitation for dinner.


	11. Chapter 11

**A Choice With No Regrets**

 _ **Attack on Titan fanfiction**_

 **By**

 **Blue Sonnet (Nana_41175)**

 **Chapter Eleven**

* * *

Levi felt Erwin's eyes on her as she tied the cravat deftly around her throat. She cocked a slim eyebrow at him, daring him to comment on her wardrobe choices, which had remained essentially unchanged since her secret came out.

Instead, he said, "the dinner is going to be held at their place. If you're too uncomfortable, I'd understand if—"

Levi scoffed. "Do you really think I'm going to let her anywhere near you while you're by yourself?" she said.

"So protective," observed Erwin, teasingly.

"I leave you for a few hours and I come back to find her there. You're like a piece of pastry, attracting a swarm of ants when you're set out on the picnic table without supervision."

Erwin threw back his head and laughed at that, and Levi felt the unfamiliar sound go through her like a shot of warm brandy. She had to admit that Erwin had a nice laugh, rich and throaty; not those polite, abbreviated chuckles when he attended official functions. It was too bad that he never got to laugh more often. She wouldn't mind hearing it again and again.

"So now I'm some sort of pastry?"

Levi narrowed her eyes at him as she sized him up. "I'd say you're one of those cream cakes with lots of white frosting on top," she offered. "Delicious but ultimately very bad for me."

He laughed until he almost choked, and she drank in the rare, wondrous sound for a few seconds more, biting back a smile of her own.

His gaze was still on her as his laughter trailed away, running appreciatively over her lithe form. In response, Levi planted a hand on her hip and prodded: "are you imagining me in a dress right now, Erwin? It's not going to happen anytime soon."

He smiled gently and nodded at her cravat. "I've always wanted to see how you do it," he said.

"What, tie it in place?" she said. "Don't you know how to?"

She eyed his simple shirt and coat ensemble and murmured, "maybe not."

He picked up his bolo tie from the dresser and said, "this should do quite nicely as an accessory, I think."

"Don't you get tired of wearing it?" she asked, already knowing his answer. For as long as he lived, Levi knew the bolo tie would stay with Erwin, and all the soul-crushing responsibility that came with it.

 _For as long as he lived._

Levi felt a chill run down her spine at the direction her thoughts had suddenly taken. She did not know why the idea would occur to her now, but she knew why it filled her with dread, so much more than before. It seemed impossible that Erwin could become so much more to her, and yet he had. Shielding off her thoughts, she stretched out a hand for the green stone, and damn him, there was that dimple again on his left cheek as he gave it to her.

He bent his head obligingly as she slipped the bolo tie around his neck and tightened it just so around his throat. When he spoke next, his voice was low: "I've always wondered about that cravat."

Levi attempted a nonchalant shrug. "Underground fad," she said.

"So I thought as well," Erwin continued in the same low murmur, and in the subdued light of the room, his eyes were the color of dark sapphires when he gazed at Levi.

"What?" she said, keeping her eyes resolutely on the green stone of his bolo tie after a glance at his face. "You still can't get over the fact that you didn't see what the cravat was hiding underneath?"

"My bad," acknowledged Erwin, his head still bent, the perfect angle for a kiss. "One of the things I adore about you is that you're full of surprises, Levi. Don't ever change."

 _The_ _fucker really knows how to lay it on thick with his words_ , Levi thought. Who would say _adore_ when _like_ would do just as well?

She found herself muttering beneath her breath, "there'll be more of those, don't worry."

He leaned in. "I'm sorry?"

"Nothing," she said. She turned away before he could plant a kiss on her. "I said you're about as deaf as a ninety year old great-grandfather. We'll be late for that dinner if we don't get moving."

* * *

True to form, the place was a veritable villa, perhaps thrice as big as their cottage, with garish furniture and nearly every surface swathed in silk. Braided and liveried servants led them into the waiting area where they had to watch the lady of the house float down the white, winding staircase.

It was a good thing that Erwin had thought to link his arm through Levi's. He did not let go, not even as he stepped up to kiss Lady Burlow's outstretched hand. Levi felt her grip tighten on Erwin's arm instinctively, and it was all she could do not to pull him back.

To be expected, Lady Burlow spared Levi only the briefest of glances before as she took Erwin's other arm and guided them into her husband's study, twittering away on the wedding of the year, as she liked to call her remarriage.

There were drinks before dinner. The husband was a pleasant if absentminded fellow, older than Lady Burlow. Watching the two men talk while the lady hovered on the side to inject whatever comment that first came to her mind, Levi could not help but think back on Erwin's predictions, which were coming true one by one.

Of course, there was the matter of Lady Burlow's dress, meant for seduction and thus enticingly low at the neckline to permit a generous quantity of powdered, alabaster skin to show. Any lower and she might as well have her boobs on parade, thought Levi acidly. And of course, there was the lady herself, who was once voluptuous and now growing a second chin, though she was gamely fighting the encroachment of middle age with a generous portion of powder and rouge, even hair dye. The results— coupled with her overly bright eyes and flushed cheeks— reminded Levi a bit of an expensive but frighteningly unnatural looking doll she had once spied in the general store when she was in town.

Then there was the high-class talk, which was sophisticated and empty as it wound all the way through the tedious seven course dinner featuring pheasant in red wine and meats of all kinds, drowned in their individual sauces. Levi made it her habit to survey the faces around them as Erwin talked about the Corps and their latest mission. Matters were not very encouraging. Lady Burlow's husband had only one expression throughout the entire evening— a mildly surprised one with slightly widened eyes— that indicated that he was either bored out of his skull or nobody was really home inside his cranium. Either way, it seemed like Erwin was wasting his time with him, which brought matters back to Lady Burlow.

Why had she married this nonentity when she'd had multiple lovers waiting in the wings a few months back? Levi wondered. Doubtless because she could have her way around him and his money.

 _And more_ , she thought as she glanced at Erwin beside her. Erwin, who was being so effortlessly charming. Just once, she wished he wasn't so handsome or charismatic, then she would not have to care or worry so much and she could have him all to herself.

She paused as the thought sank in on her, her heart turning into ice. Since when had she turned so selfish around Erwin? Since when had she begun to think of him as belonging to her? She ought to know better. She ought to know that nobody could possess the man entirely, not when he had devoted his heart to humanity.

No, not even herself, no matter how many times he would let her have his body.

She came back abruptly from her reverie to find everyone's eyes on her, and for one panicked second, she thought she might have been asked a question, or worse, she might have uttered a word or two out loud as she thought of Erwin.

He must have sensed her surprise, for Erwin quickly stepped in, cool as always, as he said, "already, our best fighter is a woman. I won't be surprised at the level of talent we have yet to discover among our new female recruits."

Under the table, she felt his hand searching for hers and giving her a light, reassuring squeeze, and she relaxed.

"Still, I can't believe Captain Levi has been allowed to stay in the barracks full of men all by herself. It must be… interesting," said Lady Burlow, a malicious gleam in her eyes.

Levi felt her dislike of the woman coalesce into something very much like hatred, and she could not help the words that came out of her mouth: "oh, yes. It's a great deal of fun, having all those men to myself; a different one each night."

That earned her a blink from Lady Burlow's husband, and widened, scandalized eyes from the lady herself. Erwin laughed, though she could feel his hand tighten around hers in warning. Before she could squirm out of his grasp, he raised her hand to his lips and kissed it in front of their hosts.

"She stays with me, of course," he said, "and you may be assured that she keeps me in good company with her sense of humor."

It was clear that it was not the right answer at all as far as Lady Burlow was concerned. After that, talk dwindled and the sumptuous dessert tasted like cardboard in Levi's mouth.

She was tense all throughout their walk back to their cottage, ready to spring at Erwin's first word. He remained silent by her side, his gaze averted. He made no move to touch her or hold hands.

Finally, thoroughly unnerved, she said in a low voice, "if you've got something to say, Erwin…"

She had expected him to tell her off for spoiling his plans and the entire evening, instead she heard his low voice: "a different one every night, Levi?"

He had stopped walking and was a few paces behind her so that when she turned, the light was to his back and she could not see his face properly in the dark.

"Yeah, it's…" She would have wanted to say that yes, her retort was lame, yet his odd tone made her pause.

"Hold on a second," she said as she walked back to him to peer closely at his face. "You _can't_ be serious."

Erwin cleared his throat. "Now is not the time to be discussing this," he said as he moved away from her. She stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"I was staying with you at your office most nights," she pointed out.

Erwin paused and his voice, when it came, was extremely soft, reluctant, "and during the nights when you didn't come to stay?"

"You're jealous," she said, feeling an odd elation rise in her chest. "You're fucking _jealous_. I can't believe this."

"We're not discussing this."

Erwin Smith, _jealous._

She could have drawn out the moment. She should have milked it for all it was worth. It was too priceless, yet she was curious to know how he would react if he knew the truth.

"I do like cock," she said, her voice low and clear in the small space between them. "I just can't believe you've not figured out that I've only ever had one."

The effect of her words was extraordinary, to say the least. Erwin stood there as though turned to stone, too stunned to school his features. He gawked at her, obviously taken by surprise because Levi had never seen such a ridiculously comic expression on his face before.

"Levi, you're–"

And _fuck,_ he was going to say it out loud.

"Shut up!" Levi hissed. "You idiot!"

"– _A virgin?!"_

She let go of his arm and cursed, looking around furtively as she did so. "Yeah, go ahead and say it louder, I don't think the other side of the district heard you."

She felt his hand on hers. "Levi," he said. "You—"

"Well, obviously I'm no longer one," she snapped. "How can I be, when I've had your big, fat cock inside me twice already today?"

"Levi, you could have told me."

She glanced at him as they resumed walking. His mask was back in place and she could not read his thoughts, but he seemed like he was taking the matter too much to heart, which was absurd.

"Why? What difference would it make?" she asked.

"A world of difference," he replied as they arrived at their door and he took out his key to unlock it. "I would have gone slow and courted you first."

"Court me?" She scoffed as she entered the foyer. "Court me how?"

She grew still as she felt hands slide gently to envelope her waist from behind and she felt him press against her. "Like this," he murmured against her ear.

* * *

He could not believe it.

Erwin knew that Levi was many things, some he had yet to discover, but _this_. This was probably the biggest surprise of all.

He felt her stiffen slightly in his arms. The way she held herself still, allowing his embrace as she decided what to do next, reminded him of a small, trapped creature on the verge of fighting or fleeing.

She did neither. Instead, she turned her head around to regard him. "Why are you making such a big deal out of this?"

"Because it _is_ a big deal," he said. "I am very honored, Levi."

She made a sound that was part scoff, part sigh. "You weren't expecting it, were you?"

There was no graceful way to get around this conversation, and Erwin, settling back on his military training, opted for the most direct approach: "I…no. Not after the way you took me this morning like a seasoned pro."

To his relief, Levi laughed— a silent heaving of the shoulders that was gone as quickly as it came. All of a sudden, he wanted very badly to hear her laugh out loud.

"Levi—"

"I grew up in the underground. I've seen things— so much more than I would have wanted to," she said with a light shrug. "That didn't mean I got to do them; nor did I want to. Sex seemed like such a fucking mess. Disgusting."

"And is it? With us?"

She eyed him solemnly. "No," she said. "That's the weird thing about it."

"Levi." He reached down to touch his lips to her neck and was gratified to feel her lean into him.

"So tell me how you're supposed to court me properly," she said. "You'll be wasting your money on flowers and sweets."

"How about some black tea?" he offered as he turned her around slowly to face him.

"That would be a good start."

"And kisses."

He heard her hum in agreement, felt her slide a hand down to caress him boldly through his trousers. He gently pried her fingers away. "Let me," he reminded her. "Please. You don't have to do anything."

She huffed. "I'm not some fragile, swooning flower that needs to be looked after." She paused. "Unless that's what you want in a woman."

"I want you, Levi."

"I don't have tits the size of melons to fill a gown to overflowing, either," she continued, and Erwin knew she was thinking of Lady Burlow and her bout of exhibitionism during dinner.

"I have no need for those, too."

She persisted: "No curves, and hardly any hips. I might as well be a boy. In fact, you thought I was one."

"And I loved you anyway." He kissed her, and it seemed his reply was satisfactory because she kissed him back. For a while, there was only the soft touch of lips, the slight, teasing flashes of tongue. He drew away every time she tried to deepen the kiss until she growled in frustration.

"Patience, darling," Erwin whispered against her lips. "I am supposed to be courting you, remember?"

He waited for her to put an end to the exercise, yet it seemed she was willing to continue. She watched him as though an idea had just occurred to her: this was a new game they were playing. She said nothing as he brought his hands up to untie her cravat. Slowly, her clothes fell around her in a soft whisper of fabric. She stood there, naked as opposed to his fully clothed state, watching him openly without shame, without embarrassment. Desire flared within him and he bent down to trail eager kisses over her newly exposed skin. Wordlessly, she pressed herself against him and he had to bite back a moan. He felt her slow, languid movements as she rubbed herself luxuriously against him and he had to remind himself that this was all new to Levi herself. He felt himself harden as he ran his hands possessively down her back, her buttocks, silently urging her on. Their breathing thickened and grew heavy with quiet sighs.

He realized what she meant to do, her newfound submissiveness a mere façade. She would go along and feign being seduced when she was in fact the temptress. And dear god, it was working. It was all he could do not to take her there and then.

He thought she might resist when he picked her up and carried her, bridal style, to the bed. She had fought him with all her might when he had done so without any warning only that afternoon so that she was almost slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes by the time he got to the bed. Now, instead of kicking and screaming, she hooked her arms around his neck, her face buried demurely against his chest.

He deposited her gently on the small mountain of soft pillows, their mouths meeting in another long kiss, more urgent this time, hungry. He could feel her tensing beneath him and knew she was uncomfortable with the position, just as she had been earlier. It occurred to him that for Levi, nothing good had ever come out of a situation where she found herself underneath someone, yet she shook her head vehemently when he attempted to sit up and move away. Her hands came to life, pulling at his clothes, and he obliged her with the distraction as he undressed quickly, his movements almost desperate. She watched with a gleam of satisfaction in her grey eyes as he nearly tore at his clothes.

Then there was only the feel of skin against skin, their kisses deep and hot, her body finally losing its rigidity and melting against his as he trailed hard hands down her body, his fingers teasing her nipples into fine, sensitive points to be claimed by his mouth. Still, his restless hands trailed lower, not stopping until he encountered the familiar wetness between her legs.

He heard her sigh as he moved the flat of his palm against her, and he watched as she opened herself to his touch, like a flower under the sun. Suddenly she stiffened, her eyes widening, as he introduced a finger into her slick depths.

"Erwin," she breathed, breaking the quiet spell that surrounded them.

"I love it when you call my name," he ground out, and she gasped as he added another finger in his slow exploration of her, moving in and out. "I meant to do this, to go slow with you last night, but I got carried away."

She let out a surprised cry, body arching as he brought his mouth down to taste her, licking at her clit as he continued the tender but relentless onslaught of his fingers, three this time, into her pliant, willing body. It quickly became too much and he felt her orgasm break around him. He let her ride out the waves as he continued to move against her and inside her, glorying in her muffled shout, her mouth pressed against the pillows.

Beautiful. She was so beautiful as she lay there, spent, her lidded eyes languid as she gazed back at him with an expression that told him she was entirely his.

He sat up and let her watch him as he brought his fingers to his thick, aching shaft, coating himself with her juices before he moved to position himself between her thighs.

"May I, darling?" he said, smiling as she nodded, loving the way her mouth fell softly open as he glided into her warm, wet nest.

He kept the rhythm slow at first because she was sensitive from her first orgasm, deliberately withholding his own satisfaction and letting the urgency build deliciously once again between them. Yet she had her own ideas as she clenched around him, the knowledge of how to work her internal muscles new but already becoming familiar, as familiar as his length inside her. He could not help the moans that escaped him as he began to thrust into her, long and deep, savoring the pull of her body, her acceptance of him. With Levi, he could expect his best laid plans to change into something else and this time was no exception. He should have known that she was more than capable of turning the tables on him.

He bent down and kissed her, his body arching protectively over hers as he continued his thrusts. "Look, Levi," he said, touching his forehead to hers and watching the interplay of emotions on her face as she obeyed and looked down the length of their glistening bodies to the place where they were joined. "See how beautiful it is, the way we make love."

He knew that she had never done this before, observing the intimate act that she was a part of and which she found just a bit dirty, but also madly arousing and, yes, beautiful; as captivating as the cry that left her lips as the spasms overtook them, and without hesitation Erwin surrendered to the bliss of it, and to her.

* * *

"Farlan," he told her afterward, his voice gravely with exhaustion. "I was jealous of Farlan, back when you first joined."

"You've got to be kidding me," she said, yawning, her head under his chin and her voice already slurring around the edges as she drifted off to sleep.

He rubbed his stubbled cheek playfully across the skin of her shoulder and smiled as she tried feebly to push him away.

He wrapped his arms securely around her and said, "you were inseparable, and you listened to everything he said."

"He was like a brother to me," she said. "Whereas you…"

Erwin leaned in as her voice trailed away. "Whereas I…?"

Her voice was so soft that Erwin thought he imagined the words, at first. Certainly, Levi would not remember saying them when she woke up in the morning: "I've loved you even then."


	12. Chapter 12

**A Choice With No Regrets**

 _ **Attack on Titan fanfiction**_

 **By**

 **Blue Sonnet (Nana_41175)**

 **Chapter Twelve**

 **Playing Virgin**

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** Hi everyone! For the final part of the previous chapter, I was debating with myself on whose POV it should be done, and while Erwin's POV ultimately got to be featured, Levi's POV is also an interesting take. It was supposed to be a mere snippet to be posted on my tumblr, but it grew into an entire chapter all by itself. ^_^ This can stand alone, but I will be adding it here to preserve the story continuity. Enjoy!

P.S. I've also started a twitter account! Follow me TheBlueSonnet, if you like. Let's have a lot of fun!

* * *

A virgin.

Levi had never considered herself as one. It was almost laughable, given her knowledge and everything she had ever witnessed in the Underground while growing up. Yet right up to the moment she married Erwin Smith, she had been one— technically, at least.

She had never given it much thought, especially after they had fucked several times already, but apparently her husband seemed to think it was a big deal. Now, she watched his gaze grow fonder, his hands grow even gentler, and thought that men were such fools, to be taken in by something as ridiculous and inconsequential a concept as virginity.

Yet there was something in Erwin's gaze and the delicious quality of his surprise that made Levi pause and not push his hands away in exasperation.

She watched him as he divested her of her clothing: first her cravat, then her coat and now her shirt, his hands slow and careful, as though he did not want to startle her, or scare her away. She could feel the brush of his fingers through the linen, almost teasing, yet he wouldn't touch her, not yet. She realized that this was a game he liked to play, and she would indulge him in playing virgin. Let the better player win.

She let each article of clothing fall from her, the whisper of fabric the only sound in the quiet room along with their breathing. All the while, she watched him; she watched as his gaze darkened, his lips parting slightly as he drank in the sight of her newly exposed flesh, as though it were new to him. By the time he got to her trousers, she could see his fingers trembling slightly, yet she did nothing to help him except to step out of the heap of clothes that pooled at her ankles.

Naked at last, she stood before him without shame, without apology; her hands meek at her sides. She watched him; watched as his composure cracked under the weight of her passivity. Perhaps she had underestimated this virginity game, after all. Here was power, watching a man like Erwin Smith succumb to nothing more than a show of submissiveness that she had put on.

He leaned in and kissed her on the neck, his lips softly trailing down her collarbone and shoulder as he gathered her to him. She arched against him as she stepped into his arms, her arms rising to clasp him in a loose embrace. She could feel the tension in him, the exquisite quality of his restraint; the heat radiating from his eager body as he kept his kisses light along her skin.

He was still fully clothed, and she felt her nipples harden as they scraped lightly against the fabric of his shirt. She rubbed against him, bold as a cat, luxuriating in the friction of cloth against skin, his body hardening against hers, his hands growing possessive as they splayed over her back, urging her against him.

She sensed his urgency, the new way his body moved, the sound of their breathing growing heavy with want. He bent down and she thought he would kiss her; instead she felt him hook an arm underneath her knees as he scooped her up almost effortlessly into his arms. She had fought him like a wildcat only that afternoon when he had tried to do it the first time, catching her unaware. Now, she willed herself to relax in his embrace, even hooking her arms around his neck, aware that he was playing the proper husband, carrying his bride over the threshold of their home for the first time, or some shit like that. Still, it made her cheeks warm and, suddenly shy, she tucked her face into the crook of his neck, hearing his low hum of amused approval.

The sheets were cool along the skin of her back as he deposited her onto the bed. She half lay, half sat against the pillows as they kissed with their mouths open, hot and moist. She gave him her tongue, her lips soft even as his kisses grew more forceful, hungry. Against her will, she felt herself grow tense as he moved to cover her with his body, his weight an unwelcome reminder of past skirmishes when she had found herself pinned beneath a bigger, heavier enemy and certain death had been mere minutes away had she not been good with a knife.

Yet this was Erwin— not an enemy but her trusted commander, the man whom she had sworn to follow and who, since last night, had taken on a new role in her life.

 _Her lover._

It still felt surreal to think of Erwin that way, yet here she was, feigning modesty and playing along as he went through the strange rituals of bedding her.

As if sensing her sudden distraction, Erwin tried to pull away and she tightened her arms around him, shaking her head as he turned questioning eyes on her. She watched as his gaze grew tender, an unspoken understanding in their depths.

A lump rose in her throat and she lowered her gaze before he could read her thoughts further. Her fingers rose to pluck impatiently at his clothing. He smiled as he caught on and began to undress. She merely returned the smile with a small one of her own as she settled back on the pillows languidly, her lidded gaze shy and sultry all at once as she enjoyed the spectacle of Erwin undressing before her. She had never played it this way before, but then she had never imagined that she would secretly enjoy being naked, or that she could be innocently seductive, and even more: that she could be quite good at it. It had to do with the way Erwin was looking at her. He made her feel beautiful. She almost laughed when his movements grew desperate and he nearly tore at his shirt, his trousers; his heated gaze never leaving her. She watched his long body emerge from all the shed clothes like a butterfly from its chrysalis and wondered how any man could be so beautiful.

He wasted no time. As soon as he shucked off his trousers, he was upon her. She surged against him, meeting him kiss for kiss, touch for touch; her legs parting effortlessly to accommodate him. She could feel his hard length against the inside of her thigh, yet he held himself off. His kisses trailed lower and so did his hands, not stopping until he had claimed her breasts, his hot, moist mouth suckling at her nipples until they were hard and sensitive. Still, his hands brushed down her body and she strained against him as he found her wet and ready against his palm.

It felt so good just to have the slow slide of his palm against her wet flesh. She shuddered as she felt the familiar hunger, her breathing dissolving into quiet moans. Still, he continued with his tender, slow ministrations, and she felt herself grow wetter at the thought of him, his hand slick with her moisture. She would have admonished him to go faster when she suddenly felt a firm finger slide into her.

"Erwin," she breathed, her body rigid with surprise for a moment before she relaxed back against him. Lubricated with her moisture, his finger moved in and out of her effortlessly.

His voice was deep, rough with obvious arousal when he said, "I love it when you call my name."

She felt her breath leave her in a rush as she felt a second finger join the first, exploring her depths as Erwin continued, "I meant to do this, to go slow with you last night, but I got carried away."

She would have wanted to say that he stood no chance when it was she who had wanted to have her way with him, but it was difficult to translate thought into words. It was all she could do to hang onto the moment, to feel herself adjusting quickly to the rhythm of those long fingers and remain silent as she heard the wet, almost obscene sounds they made as they slid in and out of her body; but then she felt his mouth against her clit and she could no longer hold back the sharp, piercing cry.

It was an alien sound, seemingly impossible to have come from her throat, but she knew that he liked it. She felt him open her up further with another finger, and she threw her head back, eyes going wide, her breathing erratic as he devoured her, his tongue circling against her sensitive nub.

She would not be able to last. Already, she could feel herself cresting, on the very edge of her control. She fought to hold it all back until she looked down to see him watching her, his eyes a bright blue flame, his fingers inside her, fucking her. She felt his tongue push insistently against her and she was suddenly coming, coming into his mouth in a liquid rush, her walls clenching tight against his fingers.

She could feel her scream reverberating in the quiet room though she could not remember giving voice to it. She slumped against the pillows, suddenly boneless, feeling Erwin pull away from her.

He was not yet done; far from it. She watched, her breath coming in soft pants, as he touched himself, moving fingers slick with her lubrication along his shaft, around the head and back down, coating himself thoroughly. She watched, mesmerized, as he moved to position himself between her open thighs.

She felt the head of his cock against her slick folds, teasing her. Still, Erwin held back long enough to ask, "may I, darling?"

His smile was soft as she nodded wordlessly, and she felt him press into her, his entry smooth. He had prepared her well: there was none of the pain from their earlier encounters. He slid in easily like a hot knife through butter. She felt her body close in around him, welcoming, holding him securely in her depths, like a lover's embrace. She was still shivery, the aftershocks of her orgasm still ringing through her, and she felt Erwin hold himself still as he waited for her to recover.

Yet at the end of it all, he was only a man. She watched the way he held himself, lips tight and the chords of his neck muscles standing out, his eyes ablaze as he exerted his formidable resolve over the situation. She felt his hands balling into fists on the sheets on either side of her, felt his body clenching tight at her tiniest movement. She could feel the throbbing of his cock deep inside her, growing even bigger in her tight, wet warmth. Still, he made no move to thrust in.

She made an impatient sound and nudged at him. He only shook his head at her. It would not do at all. Slowly, experimentally, she made to squeeze around him, and she smiled as he bit back a groan, loving the feel of him against her, loving Erwin at her mercy. Her hands running almost leisurely over his chest, she repeated the movement deep inside her, tightening around him again and again, growing more confident until she felt him respond at last. He began to thrust into her, his movements slow and careful, unhurried. He watched her through heavily lidded eyes, his expression almost helpless as he gave himself over to the sensations that engulfed them.

"Lovely," he said, his words wrapped in a low moan. "You're so fucking lovely, Levi."

She had never heard him curse before, and knew she must be doing things right. He was moving faster now, his arms wrapping around her as he thrust into her, long and deep. They moved together in wave after long, sensual wave, their bodies knowing and taking what they wanted.

She felt the delicious tension rise within her, inevitable, coiling around her body as he moved in to kiss her. She could hear their breathing, the quiet sounds of pleasure escaping them, and the sound of flesh meeting sweat-slick flesh.

"Look, Levi," he said, resting his forehead against hers. "See how beautiful it is, the way we make love."

She looked down their bodies, hot and healthy, mating, coming together in a rhythm as old as time. She watched his cock moving in and out of her, and far from feeling disgusted, she marveled at how sex was so beautifully basic with Erwin. There was nothing dirty or ugly about it at all. This was not just fucking, it was something else, belonging to an entirely different plane all on its own— this was a perfect melding of two souls who could not be more different from each other.

She did not know how it came to be, or what they had done to deserve this, but they had found each other— she and Erwin— two halves of a whole.

He followed her into orgasm, coming long and hard even as she was wracked with spasms. She held onto him, a deep feeling of rightness and contentment settling on her. Perhaps there was something to this game of playing virgin, after all; yet once again, as with everything to do with Erwin, Levi felt the entire thing had run away from them. Gone was the urge to gloat, the feeling of having notched a victory, a conquest. This was something more than keeping score. At this moment, Levi knew beyond a doubt that Erwin loved her. She would believe him with all her heart if he were to tell her so.

She knew that there would be days ahead of them when she might think differently, when faced with another facet of Erwin's complex person, but right now, as Erwin moved to cradle her in his arms, Levi knew that this was just as real as the rest of him, which was why she loved him in the first place, and there was no cause to regret how she felt about him.

There would be days ahead when she might regret having Erwin know how she felt about him, but that time was not now. For now, being here in his arms was enough. It felt like home.


	13. Chapter 13

**A Choice With No Regrets**

 _ **Attack on Titan fanfiction**_

 **By**

 **Blue Sonnet (Nana_41175)**

 **Chapter Thirteen**

* * *

For a while, Levi had dreams— wispy, broken bits of imagery like smoke that vanished, never to be remembered upon waking, interspersed with brief periods when she resurfaced to find the room still dark and bright moonlight filtering in through the curtained windows.

Beside her, Erwin slept with his head tucked against her shoulder, his breathing deep and regular. She felt his arms around her, solid and reassuring, and she breathed in the clean scent of his skin, his hair, savoring the warmth of his body against hers and the knowledge that Erwin trusted her like nobody else to see him like this, unguarded and defenseless in sleep. She kept still for as long as she could- the sensation of Erwin close beside her was so new that a part of her still had trouble believing it.

Once upon a time, she had thought him invincible and impenetrable, like a fortress; his true self closed off like the very walls themselves. Even as they worked side by side, day after day, she had doubted that she could ever reach him, even as he remained a mere arm's length away from her. How strange that things between them could change so suddenly, with so very little warning.

She was drifting off again when she heard the word slip from Erwin's lips— soft, almost inaudible; a ghost of a sigh: "Father."

She waited for several heartbeats more, gazing down at that part of Erwin's still face that she could see— the fall of his hair; the sweep of long, blond lashes over closed eyes, and the blue shadow under one sharp cheekbone— but his sleeping mind was done divulging its secrets.

Levi waited but there would be nothing more that night from the enigma that she had married.

* * *

When she awoke next, Levi was on her stomach, face-down on a surface that felt extremely strange— warm and smooth, firm but also irregular, and moving up and down. It took her a moment to realize that she was half-sprawled over Erwin's body, her head pillowed on his chest and legs tangled with his.

He was awake and he did not seem to mind. His arms were around her, cradling her to him. Levi kept still for a moment longer, an ear pressed against his chest. She listened to the steady, soothing beat of his heart as she felt his hand on her back, his fingers idly tracing a circle along her spine.

"Good morning, Levi," he said, and Levi felt more than heard the words rumble out of his chest.

 _Shit._

The game was up. Slowly, she lifted her head to peer at him, her bangs falling all over her eyes and her cheek warm from his skin. "I've drooled all over you," she said.

He beamed. "It doesn't matter."

"You're only saying that because we had a good, long fuck last night," she said lazily, smiling in spite of herself. She propped herself up on his chest and rested her chin on her elbows. "Just wait a few months more and you might be changing your tune."

This close, she could see how pure and intensely blue his eyes were, like the patch of bright, clear sky through the hole in the Underground— the only bit of the heavens that she had ever seen for a very long time. The color never failed to astonish her, and it would always remind her of certain memories: of Isabel setting free that wounded bird, and before that, her own mother, taking her out to air when she had been very little; those happy memories— so few and far in between— that Levi associated with the promise of freedom as vast and limitless as the sky, now forever linked in her mind to her husband's eyes.

Transfixed, she watched something flit through Erwin's gaze even as he said, quite fondly, "I don't think I'd get tired of you."

"Spoken like the true, devoted husband," Levi answered wryly, wondering at what she had just seen. The look that had passed through Erwin's eyes was too fleeting, like a mere shade of thought, gone before it could be registered.

He moved to kiss her and she pressed a finger to his lips. "I've not washed my mouth yet," she said.

A dimple appeared in his left cheek as Erwin said mischievously, "neither have I."

He seemed intent on carrying out his plans. Levi turned her head away slightly with a disapproving _tch_ so that his mouth grazed the side of her cheek and she felt, yet again, the rasp of beard stubble against her skin. She remembered how he had kissed her the first time he had ever made love to her, the memory of the roughness of male skin against her sensitive flesh sending a wave of arousal coursing through her.

She had underestimated the strength of her appetite for this man. Once unleashed, she was its slave. She wanted Erwin constantly, and she wondered how she could communicate her desire for more of his lewd kisses without telling Erwin in so many words. The truth was that their frenzied lovemaking from the day before had finally caught up with her body. Levi felt sore, yet she still wanted those kisses.

As he pulled back, Levi settled her fingers over Erwin's mouth, tracing the outline of his lips abstractedly as she said, "such a talented mouth. I never expected it when we got hitched."

Erwin raised a brow. "I thought I had a reputation for being able to put my mouth to good use."

"I don't doubt that," Levi said. "There's no getting around that mouth of yours during arguments, yet how was I to know you'd be so good at eating pussy?"

She watched as his eyes darkened at her words. "You like that, don't you?" she whispered. "I bet you've never had a girl who could talk dirty to you, _Commander_. I bet you're used to prim and proper damsels who'll swoon at your every word."

Erwin cleared his throat. "Actually, I'm…several years out of practice when it comes to relationships."

"Yet you've not lost the skill," Levi pointed out, a fingertip ghosting down the side of his cheek, not quite touching his skin. "Obviously you had plenty of practice. So, you've had damsels who were not quite prim and proper…perhaps some shopgirls or barmaids."

She drew back to find him watching her speculatively but without surprise. "Somebody's been talking," he said, sounding slightly amused.

As always, he was right. Somebody had talked— Mike, to be exact. The man might be built like an ox but it did not mean he was that good at holding his liquor. When she had been new to the team, Levi had found herself a hapless captive to one of Mike's rare expansive moods one night when they had all gone out drinking— minus the Commander, as usual. Somebody had goaded Mike into spilling everything about Erwin, and whether she wanted to or not, Levi had heard all about Erwin's love life, back when he had one.

"I know about Marie," she told Erwin, feeling reasonably confident that she could mention the woman now. What she did not (and would _never)_ admit to was how she had felt at the time— how the discovery of Erwin being human enough to have lovers as blond and beautiful as himself had nearly choked her, as though she had swallowed a ball of flame that had gone to lodge in the place where her heart was. That had been two months after Levi had joined the Corps, around the time she had let go of her distrust and dislike of Erwin and decided instead that he was goddamned perfect. She had not understood how she felt then, and there was no way that Erwin was going to find out about it now.

He seemed game enough to pursue the topic that Levi wanted to drop as quickly as possible. "And what about Marie?" he asked curiously.

"Only that I ought to send her flowers to thank her for that one hell of a wedding night you've given me," Levi replied.

Erwin grinned. "You're not so bad yourself. I still can't believe you were a—"

Levi groaned as she buried her face against his chest. "Oh, _fuck_ you if you're going to say it out loud again!"

"I used to wonder, on the nights when you did not come to me," said Erwin, slowly, softly, "where you'd gone, who you were with. If I wanted to torture myself, I would imagine you spending the night with somebody, anyone— one of the men who I saw you talking to in the course of the day."

Levi stared at him. "You're insane if you think I'd allow anyone to even come near me," she said.

"I know that, and yet…" Erwin gazed back at her, his blue eyes alight with astonishment. "You mean to say you've never noticed how the men stare after you?"

" _What?"_

"They do," said Erwin. "Quite a lot of them talk about you as well, though not to your face, of course. And it wasn't just about your prowess in the field, either. I should have sensed that something was up, but you were too good for any of us. There was nothing in your appearance or demeanor to give you away, but still, there was… something."

"Was it my cleaning?" Levi asked after a cautious pause.

Erwin laughed. "No, darling," he said. "I've chalked that one up to your need to exert control over your surroundings, which is quite understandable. No, it was me."

"What do you mean?"

"It was me, looking at you and thinking 'if only.' For a long time, I did not know what it was, but the other men sensed it as well. It was there for us to see but we were all too afraid of making you uncomfortable."

Levi snorted. "See what?"

"Well, your unusual, striking looks, to begin with. I know you won't like this, but you've got a secret fanbase in the Corps devoted to your, shall we say, physical charms."

"Bloody fuck, that's creepy as hell." Levi jabbed him lightly on the ribs. "Don't mess with me, Erwin."

"I'm not kidding," replied Erwin earnestly, "but you should hear what they say about your eyes, your face. I would say the most common descriptions to crop up would be 'delicate' and…well, 'exotic'—ouch."

Erwin raised a hand to rub at where Levi had pinched him, hard. Levi muttered, "heads are going to _roll_ as soon as I get some names."

Erwin's smile merely widened.

"And you?" Levi demanded, giving Erwin a hard poke on the chest. "What have you got to say?"

"'If only'," answered Erwin, the smile fading from his lips as he gazed at Levi. "At first it was 'if only I were interested in men,' which was ridiculous as I quickly realized that it didn't really matter. Soon, it became 'if only Levi would look at me when we speak' or 'if only Levi would come by even if I don't summon him.'"

"But I did," said Levi. "Especially during Friday nights when we'd have those wine-tasting sessions…oh fuck, wait a minute, don't tell me those were _dates?"_

Erwin laughed. "I'd like to think they were," he replied.

Their Friday nights together had started out as a crash course on etiquette to prepare Levi for her appearances in the capital. Erwin, sensing the real reasons behind Levi's strong reluctance to attend her first function on behalf of the Corps, had kindly shown her the expected table manners by making her eat a formal dinner with him in his office. Then, the discussion on table manners had given way to lessons on making proper conversation, and from there to wine tasting, which had evolved into regular drinking sessions.

Levi was used to hard liquor, but she'd never had to deal with fancy vintages, and every Friday night onward, she had gone to Erwin's office after dinner and waited until he had finished with his paperwork, and they would sit down and open a bottle or two. She could not forget the first time he had poured her a glass and how she had downed the contents in one long gulp before realizing the wine ought to be swilled about and sniffed at and sipped and savored.

She had flushed hard at her little gaffe, but he had merely chuckled and poured her another round, saying, "it's that good, huh?"

Levi stared at Erwin now and said, "so all this time we've been dating?"

"In my imagination, certainly," said Erwin. "You never showed any indication that you were…interested in me."

When Levi was silent, he asked, his tone strangely hesitant, almost shy, "were you?"

"You're not omniscient then," said Levi, dropping her gaze as she settled her head over his chest. "Thank god for small favors."

She felt his fingers slowly trace a pattern on the skin of her shoulder. "Did you ever think about me, Levi?" he asked softly. God, he was persistent.

 _All the time_ , she wanted to say but found that she could not. All of a sudden she felt very shy. "You're fishing," she pointed out.

"Yes, I am," he merely said, finding and lifting her left hand to his lips. She felt him kiss the ring he had placed on her finger, not two days ago. "Did you?"

Levi hummed as she lifted a hand to his chest, her fingertips lightly tracing his nipple. She watched with satisfaction as his flesh pebbled, just like a woman's, and she felt the small jolt of surprise that went through him.

When she spoke, her voice was low: "Of course I did."

She lifted her head to look at him as she continued with her slow, maddening touch. "Like everybody else, I wondered about the Commander, so cool and collected, not a strand of hair out of place. So fucking poised and perfect. I wondered how you'll look if I were to slowly take you apart with my mouth."

She gave a small, knowing smile as she watched him swallow hard. "I really didn't realize you like eating pussy but I thought you'd certainly crave a nice blowjob. I've not met a man who doesn't. They can't seem to shut up about it. I've seen you with the ladies; you're used to them fawning all over you. Such adoration for Humanity's Strongest. They're all yours for the picking, but I bet you've never had a girl from the Underground— someone who could _bite_ as well as kiss you."

She had his full attention now. He gazed at her, rapt. She could feel his body stirring beneath her but she continued, "I'll be on my knees— wouldn't you just like that? It will remind us of old times when you caught me. I bet it must have occurred to you, however briefly, when you stood before me then. We'd line up perfectly. You'll have your fingers in my hair while I suck you off, slowly."

"Levi," Erwin said, his voice deep as she set her mouth to his nipple and swirled her tongue briefly around the bit of hardened flesh, tasting the salt of his skin. She felt his body harden further beneath her and knew he would be ready soon.

"I imagined your cock will be huge," whispered Levi, trailing soft kisses down the skin of his belly, feeling the change in the texture of skin and body hair as she went farther down. His scent, warm and musky, grew only stronger. "It turns out you're even bigger, for real. You're quite a handful, even for an Underground girl. I wonder how I'll be able to take all of you in, _sir."_

She slithered farther down his body and felt him spread his legs open to accommodate her. She heard his rough exhale as she finally closed a hand around his erection. She caressed him, her fingers lightly pulling at him, tilting him up as her mouth descended once again. She could feel Erwin bracing against her, yet all she ever did was to place a soft, chaste kiss on the leaking tip.

"Levi," Erwin said, his voice now hoarse, almost pleading. Levi could feel his fingers threading through her hair, coaxing her head down. She shook herself free from his gentle grip before she reached out with her tongue to lick at his slit.

He groaned.

"So big," Levi mused as she let her fingers trail up and down his shaft, as though she could not believe it.

"You can do it," he murmured encouragingly. "I know you can."

She shook her head. "You first," she said.

With that, she moved to reverse her position on the bed, slinging a leg over Erwin so that she was straddling him upside down. Finally understanding her intention, Erwin did not hesitate as he reached for her. Levi let out a sigh of pleasure as she felt his fingers spreading her, as he moved to kiss her between her wet, open lips.

She kissed him back, taking the head of his straining manhood into her mouth and sucking. She grazed her teeth against him lightly, playfully, liking the sound of his strangled groan even as she moaned at the feel of his tongue inside her.

Their pace quickened, the task at hand fast becoming urgent, absorbing, so that it took them a moment to recognize the sound, when it came.

Levi lifted her head as she felt Erwin freeze beneath her. Puzzled, they stayed locked in their upside-down embrace for a moment, their position awkward, almost comical, as they waited for the sound to repeat itself.

There it was again: a bell, ringing.

"Mother _fucker!_ " snarled Levi when she realized it was somebody at the door.

"Nobody's fucking home!" She called out. To Erwin, she said, "we don't have to answer it."

Erwin merely chuckled. He was already moving away from her. "I know who it is," he said as he stood up and threw a robe over his nakedness.

Levi buried her face into an adjacent pillow. "Fuck," she said, her desire deflating. "We're supposed to be on honeymoon!"

Erwin merely laughed.

"Wipe your mouth, Commander," she admonished, and watched as he turned back to her, his sidelong gaze suddenly sly as he wiped at his chin with a thumb before putting it into his mouth.

Somehow, she felt a strange urge to giggle.

"And good luck concealing the hard-on," she called after him.

The caller, whoever he was, took longer than expected to leave, and Levi knew that it must have something to do with the Corps.

"I can't believe you had someone deliver you papers straight from headquarters. You're suspended, remember?" Levi said when Erwin returned with a bundle of sealed, confidential letters. "I thought you've handed command to Hange and Mike for the time being."

"There are some private communications which they need me to look over immediately," Erwin said, "but most of these are messages of congratulations that you might want to go over."

Levi rolled his eyes and moved languidly to stand from the bed. "I suppose playtime is over," she said.

"Levi…"

"It's all right," said Levi. "I need a bath anyway."

"You don't mind, darling?"

Levi knew that there was no winning against the Survey Corps when it came to Erwin's priorities and she did not want to be seen as competing for his affections with a cause that was rooted deeply within her own person as well. The Corps was what had bound them together long before the rings on their fingers did. This was how she was different from other women, she knew, and this was why Erwin had married her.

She did not answer him. Instead she looked down the front of his robe and shrugged. "I see Little Erwin has lost interest," she merely said.

Erwin chuckled as he bent down and she let him kiss her. "I'll make it up to you tonight," he promised.

After her bath, it was clear that Erwin was back at work with his never-ending papers and he would not be leaving the desk that he had taken over in the small living room of their cottage for the next several hours.

Levi rolled her eyes as she said, "I'll go to the dining hall to get our breakfast."

He looked up from his papers. "We can just have them deliver some bread and coffee."

"I need the exercise," said Levi as she let herself out of the cottage.

It was a beautiful morning. The air was crisp and fresh, filled with the scent of leaves and moist earth. It did not take Levi long to reach the dining hall and she sat down on one table with a cup of tea, waiting for them to fill her a basket of fresh bread, with jam and butter as well as a flask of hot coffee to take back to the cottage. She scanned the hall once and was glad to note that Lady Fucking Burlow and her husband were nowhere in sight.

She headed back to the cottage as soon as the basket was ready. In total, it did not take her more than twenty minutes to fulfill her errand, yet it was sufficient time for something to happen at the cottage while she was away.

Levi slowed to a halt by some trees as the cottage came into sight. Just a few paces from the door stood an unfamiliar girl, clad in a maid's uniform that was familiar enough. Any doubts that lingered were quickly dispelled when the lady herself emerged from the door a few minutes later.

Screened by the trees some distance away, Levi watched as Lady Fucking Burlow glanced furtively up and down the road before she unfurled her sun parasol. Together with the maid, she went down the road at a brisk pace and was soon out of sight.


	14. Chapter 14

**A Choice With No Regrets**

 _ **Attack on Titan fanfiction**_

 **By**

 **Blue Sonnet (Nana_41175)**

 **Chapter Fourteen**

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** Well, the chapter was a bit painful to write, but nowhere near the scope of manga chapter 84! Hehe. Please check out related Drabbles and Outtakes to this story in my page! Enjoy!

* * *

Long after the Burlow woman had gone, Erwin sat motionless in his seat, his thoughts far away.

Nothing had changed with the lady in question. Bold as brass, she was the same as ever, with her insane demands; yet Erwin found that he had changed. Ever since he married Levi, not two days ago, he felt he was no longer the same Erwin Smith.

Planning things used to be so easy when he did not have to consider the feelings of another. Now, he hesitated as he thought of Levi.

 _Oh, god. Levi._

She'd merely been gone a quarter of an hour yet he felt the loss of her acutely. He could still feel her— the texture of her smooth skin beneath his fingertips, the taste of her in his mouth. The way she had looked at him as she lay naked and prone in bed, propped up on her elbows with her hair delightfully disheveled; her lithe but powerful body graceful and languid.

He had loved her for months yet he had never known her capacity for seduction. Breaking from his self-imposed celibacy, he had not been able to help it as he indulged himself in the past couple of days, like a man dying of hunger and thirst, and now that his lust was partially sated, reason was slowly starting to seep in.

He knew he did not deserve her, yet he was powerless to let go. From the dark depths of the Underground, he had found her— his unlikely jewel. How strange was Fate's many twists and turns that he would come to love Levi, of all people; but then he had loved her the moment he saw her. For the past two days, he had never been so happy in his entire life and at the same time he felt terrible, the guilt— his old friend— gradually trickling in to weigh heavily on his conscience. He knew very well that he did not deserve to be happy, to be loved; not after sending so many people to their deaths. And yet—

 _I've loved you even then._

It had thrilled him no end to hear her whispered confession last night. He did not know if she meant it, but it was there in all their sweet, intimate moments.

 _Levi._

And now he would have to hurt her with his schemes to get rid of that bothersome woman once and for all.

Erwin turned his head just as the front door creaked open once again. The woman had taken him by surprise earlier on. Minutes after Levi's departure, she had let herself in and had subjected him to an outlandish proposal and ultimatum.

He watched now as Levi came through the door, breakfast basket in hand— only it was not the same Levi who left no more than twenty minutes ago. To judge from her veiled eyes and her still face, she knew.

He opened his mouth to explain, but all that came out was, "I'm famished."

Levi nodded, unsmiling. "Come have some bread and coffee then," she merely said.

They were back to their default personas: the Commander and the Captain. Erwin stood up slowly and made his way to the table. His feet felt like lead. She was more collected and he watched as she poured him coffee, as she set out the delectable treats in her basket— fresh bread, butter and jam. They ate in silence, their actions around each other perfectly smooth, like old comrades who were used to each other. It had been a constant source of satisfaction for Erwin, but now, he wanted more from Levi.

It was not until she had her first sip of coffee that she said, "did you get any work done?"

"No," he said, sensing the opening she offered and taking it. "I had a visitor."

Levi set down her cup and folded her hands over her chest. "What did she want?"

Erwin took in a breath, but once he started, he could not stop: "She wants me to divorce you. She says she's doing the same. Now that she has seen me again, she realizes that we have both made a mistake which can be very easily be rectified, given our very recent marriage."

He watched as Levi took his words in, her stony expression hardly changing. "Is that all she said?" she asked. "I'm sure there's more."

"There is, but it's not important."

There was so much more: _I didn't realize your tastes run along such classes of women, Erwin Smith,_ and, _I want what you're giving her. All of it. I want the way you kiss her, the way you touch her, just like how you touched me, once. Or have you forgotten?_

"Not important," echoed Levi.

"She left you some money," said Erwin, jerking his head toward his table.

He watched as Levi rose slowly from her seat and made her way to the table on the other end of the room. He watched, his face hard, as she pulled open a drawer and took out the dainty velvet pouches with the gold coins.

"There's enough for at least five expeditions here," Levi said.

"She says you can have more," he replied.

Levi dropped the velvet pouch that she held, as though it were a dead rat.

"How about I just kill her," she said, her tone still calm, but Erwin could see the cracks starting in the façade of her self-control, and the knife that was suddenly in her hand.

"That is one viable option," he agreed, in a tone as calm as hers. "Or…"

He waited until he had her full attention before continuing, "or we stick to my plan and do it my way."

"You've not told me everything," she said. "How could you possibly accept this money from her?"

"I have my reasons, Levi. You will know in due time."

She shook her head. "She's got something on you. Otherwise she would not be so bold as to think she can claim you like this, over and over," she said. "The way she keeps going after you, like a spurned lover. She was your lover, wasn't she?"

She was astute, he would give her that. "It was only that one time," he said. "At a party in the capital. That time when the proposal for the thirty-third expedition was suddenly turned down—"

He saw her eyes widen a fraction. "You said you suddenly found funding at the last minute. Oh, fuck you, Erwin."

He could see the horrified realization was gradually seeping in. He said before she could interrupt, "it was only once. At that party. She meant nothing to me, Levi."

"Fuck you," Levi said softly, shaking her head.

"I did it for the Corps," he said, and the words— so frequently uttered, his favorite excuse— had never sounded so hollow.

"Fuck you, Erwin."

"Don't hate me. Please."

" _Fuck you!"_

He thought she would storm off, but she held her ground. She closed her eyes, breath trembling and coming fast, but she stood her ground as she got a hold of herself.

When she opened her eyes, she was herself again. Her voice was calm when she said, "you're doing this for a reason."

"Of course."

"You've got a plan."

"I do, though it requires some acting on your part, my dear," he said.

The endearment seemed to infuriate her, like he knew it would.

"It's premature to show our hand now," he continued. "She has the means to spread some rumors that may prove damaging to us, but she wants me to discard you as soon as possible."

"Bitch," growled Levi.

Erwin nodded. "She wants you gone in two days, and in the meantime, I think she wants to see some drama between us."

"You need me angry," she said, suddenly comprehending his actions.

"That is correct. Do you think we will be able to manufacture a public scene in time for lunch?"

"Fucking bitch!" spat Levi. "That won't be a problem. Why do we have to wait two days?"

"Because in two days' time, her husband is going away on a day trip. Without her. She expects me to spend the afternoon with her in her villa. After that, she says I can do with her fortune however I want."

The profanity that left Levi's lips was something Erwin had not heard above ground for a long time.

"Levi," he said quietly. "I'm never going to let you go. I'd rather die first."

He could have said he loved her, but it was too maudlin, and his words were enough to ease the tension from Levi's soldiers, for now. He could not quite bring himself to look into her eyes.

"Order me then," she said.

"What?"

"Make this— everything— an order," she said, "and I will obey you, Erwin."

His throat felt tight, his heart aching, but he got the words out, "it is an order, Levi."

* * *

He was deliberately late for lunch. He strolled into the pavilion thirty minutes behind Levi, and by then, the tension emanating from her straight, rigid form was more real than made up. He glanced at the other side of the room, and sure enough, the woman was tucked away in a secluded corner, avidly watching the unfolding drama after having dragged her reluctant husband to have lunch out in the open. He met her eyes briefly and nearly shuddered with disgust at the gleam of gleeful malice so evident in her gaze.

How could these aristos be so self-absorbed, so obsessed with petty ambitions and acquisitions when all of Humanity was in danger of being wiped out by the titans? Erwin thought.

Yet now was not the time to be waylaid by his thoughts. He had a role to play. "I'm sorry I'm late," he murmured as he pulled at the chair opposite Levi's and sat himself down.

"You're a fucking half hour late," Levi pointed out, not bothering to lower her voice as their waiter glided over to prepare Erwin's side of the table for the soup course. The waiter gave Levi a wide-eyed glanced and was in a hurry to fill Erwin's glass with water.

"There were matters to take care of," he said, his tone maddeningly nonchalant as he shook out his table napkin before placing it on his lap. To the waiter, he said, "I'll have the meat course, thank you."

When the waiter fled, Erwin said in a low voice, "wait until the soup arrives, please. I don't think it will be convincing otherwise."

Levi stared at him for a moment before she asked, "how did you do her, then?"

Erwin looked up, the surprise on his face genuine. "What?"

"Don't 'what' me, you fucker," said Levi, her voice low and angry. She was playing her part very, very well because she was really angry, Erwin realized. "How did you do her, at that party? Did you lead her upstairs to an empty room or did you just dodge into an empty corridor?"

"Please don't," he said.

Levi persisted, "did you lick her cunt? That would have been the easiest thing to do under the circumstances, and it's right up your alley."

Erwin closed his eyes briefly, aware that they were pulling it off most convincingly— a couple having a quiet quarrel that was escalating fast. He hated it. "Levi," he merely said.

"Just tell me," she hissed.

"It was nothing like that," he replied.

Just then the waiter bustled over with Erwin's soup.

"Well, how was it then?" Levi asked as the waiter departed and Erwin took up his spoon. "What did she taste like?"

He gave her a neutral look. "I fucked her with my fingers, nothing more," he said. "It was over in ten minutes, and we got to have our expedition and Hange got to capture their two titans for experimentation. There, I've said it. Are you satisfied?"

Levi let out a long breath as though she were winded. "Yeah. Thank you," she said. "You piece of shit."

She was too fast for him to dodge. He didn't even see her hand move toward the crystal goblet. He merely saw the water, flying in a graceful arc in the air before it hit him full in the face.

"I'll be in the cabin," she said as she replaced her glass on the table and stood up.

* * *

"Well?" she demanded as soon as he got through the door.

He sighed as he pushed away a wet lock of hair. "…Yes. Good," he said. "That was very convincing."

She shrugged, and it was only then that Erwin noticed that she was in her 3DMG harness. "Well then, I'm off," she said. "Don't wait for me."

"Levi, wait," he said, blocking the door before she could get through, desperate to assemble his scattered thoughts into an argument. "We've got to talk. Back there—"

"You were telling the truth, I know," she said.

"She means nothing to me," he repeated. "I love _you."_

He stopped, aware that it was not the best time to be making such a grand declaration. Not when it sounded like a ploy. It was not until he looked at her face that he saw the mute misery in her eyes, as well as fear.

Everything hit him then— everything he put Levi through just to get the authentic reaction he wanted to set an obsessed woman at her ease. Unlike him, Levi did not have to resort to a mawkish display of words. Her love was there in her eyes— desperate, frightened, yes, because what she felt for him was obviously real and she felt she was in danger of losing it, losing him; and through it all, he had made her play it all out in the open.

"Levi," he said, horrified at his belated realization. "I'm—"

"Don't," she said sharply. ""Don't you _dare_ apologize. Don't think you can get away with doing something and regretting it afterward. There will be no regrets. You told me that yourself months ago."

He gazed at her, speechless, his heart in ruins. Whatever he expected her to say, he had not expected this.

He did not stop her as she brushed past him and out the door. There would be no way to stop her from leaving unless he forced her, just as he had forced her into the Survey Corps all those months ago. Certainly, there would be no way to force her to love him, when that love was gone.

* * *

He was starting to seriously worry when she finally came back. By then, dinner was long over.

He'd had the entire afternoon to think things through and plan a strategy— a small, moving speech, at least— but by the time Levi came through the door, he'd been too distracted by the lateness of the hour to think of anything to say other than, "you've had something to eat, at least?"

She wiped a hand over her dripping forehead. "Yeah, I stopped by the kitchens," she said.

With that, she turned away and headed for the bathroom, leaving Erwin to sit at his table and blink. He had been sitting there the entire afternoon, rehearsing a few lines, but it seemed he would not get a chance to say them anytime soon.

It was as though the past two days— no, the past week— did not happen. They were back to what they had always been: cordial and polite, with the necessary distance accorded to fellow officers. Erwin did not think he could bear having to continue this charade for two more days.

To hell with that Burlow woman, he thought savagely. She was not worth this mess. Rather than have Levi do it, he could corner the husband sooner, perhaps, and—

The door to the bathroom opened, and out stepped Levi, freshly showered and clad in nothing but the soft, white terrycloth robe.

"Levi." It was hard getting the words past the constriction in his throat, but Erwin pushed on. "I know that saying no and flinging her money back to her face would have been the only decent thing to do. I should have told you everything from the start—"

She looked at him, then looked away as she gave a soft, exasperated _tch_ under her breath.

"You gave an order, and I'm following it. What else do you want me to do? There's nothing else to talk about, and definitely I'm not interested in talking about that bitch," she said as she entered their bedroom, Erwin following not far behind.

"I want us to talk about this, please."

"No, I get it. Your past is your own business, but it's incredible that you really think you can marry me and stay the same. Untouched," murmured Levi as she started to pile the pillows on top of the bed. "The Commander directing his subordinate, perhaps even in matters concerning who we can get to fuck within our so-called marriage. If you can do it to yourself, you'll have no problem with me. Perhaps you'll lend me off to an MP or two for the night to further our goals in the Corps."

That stung. "That's not it at all, and I would never do that to you, Levi," he said quietly.

She said nothing. Her expression as she gazed back at him was haughty and aloof. It was clear that she did not believe him, and Erwin wondered whether he would ever get her to believe in him again. There was a certain feline grace about her that made her almost regal as she made herself comfortable on the bed, sprawling over the soft cushions.

From the look in her eyes, Erwin knew what was coming. She let him see her as she pulled at the knot that held her robe together.

"Unlike you, I'm not good with words, so I'll just have to show you what's at stake," she said.

She looked delectable. Erwin gazed, transfixed, at the gentle slope of her breasts and down her smooth, muscled abdomen, down to the triangle of dark, curled hair between her legs. She had oiled herself down after her bath; her skin glistened, beckoning him. He could feel himself hardening already at the sight of her, yet he knew she would not let him touch her tonight.

As if sensing his thoughts, she shook her head at him. "It's just too bad," she said, her voice soft, almost gentle, "after our interrupted session this morning, I was ready to give myself to you."

"Levi…" he said, his tone beseeching, before she cut him off.

"Don't think it's going to be that easy."

When he fell silent, she continued, "you've really been a bad boy, Erwin."

With that, she slowly spread her legs wide open. Erwin's mouth was dry as he took in the delicate petals of her sex, pale pink and glistening with moisture.

"Bad boy," Levi repeated, her tone soft, almost chanting as she regarded Erwin with slitted eyes. "You've been such a terribly bad boy who needs to be _punished."_

She settled her head back against the pillows, her body completely relaxed as she lifted a hand to her breast.

"After this morning, I was going to let you have your way, no questions asked," she said as she slowly rubbed at her nipple with languid fingers until it stood proud and erect. "I'd let you suck me, here…and here."

Erwin watched, unable to look away, as her other hand trailed light, teasing fingers down her body, slowly, so slowly, until she reached her cunt. "It's unbelievable how good your mouth feels on me," she sighed, her eyes lowered, cheeks tinted with a soft blush at the admission that tore at Erwin's heart. "I never expected it. You took me completely by surprise on our first night. I'd never allow it again between us, if you told me you'd licked that bitch's pussy."

His heart breaking, Erwin watched wordlessly as Levi touched herself, her fingertips between the soft, wet lips that Erwin knew so well, gently exploring until they reached her clit.

Erwin felt his jaw clenching tight at the sight of Levi, eyes drooping closed and mouth falling softly open, as she found herself.

"Erwin…" his name was a mere whisper as her breathing quickened, her circling fingers beginning a familiar rhythm that Erwin knew with his tongue, his fingers, his cock.

She tossed her head back against the pillows, baring her throat as her pace quickened. "This could be you, Erwin," she said, fixing him with her heavy lidded gaze. "I wanted it to be you. Right here, eating me out before having your prick inside me. _Ahh…"_

She jolted at the sudden, sharp sensation, her fingertips slowing to a more leisurely pace as she became too sensitive, too quickly. Biting her lower lip in concentration, she let the exquisite pleasure draw out, and Erwin had never seen a more erotic sight than his wife, playing with herself in front of him.

She could not maintain the rhythm for long. Already, Erwin could tell that her peak was fast approaching. Levi's legs started to tremble, her breath coming in soft pants. Her body arched as her hand moved faster over herself. Her legs threatened to close and without thinking, Erwin was on the bed, his hand shooting out to grip at her shin.

Instantly, Levi halted her ministrations, her other foot landing painfully on Erwin's shoulder in warning, forcing him back.

"Move another inch and the show is over." The threat in her voice was real.

Erwin swallowed around the painful lump in his throat. "Continue," he said.

"Get your hand off me."

"No," he said, "but I won't move further. I swear. Finish it, Levi."

Slowly, she recovered her rhythm, and Erwin watched, his face grim and his grip firm around Levi's leg, holding her open to his gaze. This close, he could smell her musky scent— deliciously irresistible— yet he kept himself still as he endured his penance. She kept her eyes on his face as the first waves hit, her breath leaving her in a rush.

" _Erwin."_

He watched her face, his own visage carefully still even while his eyes blazed as she rode out the waves, her eyes closing as she communed with her orgasm.

"Levi," he said when it was over and she lay, momentarily exhausted, on the cushions. She said nothing. She did not push him away, but lay her fingers, still wet with her juices, on his lips for a moment, as though to silence him. He breathed her in, yet before he could dart his tongue out to taste her, her hand was gone as she rose quickly from the bed, gathering the robe around her.

She took her time washing— enough time for him to take care of his painful erection. It took mere minutes for him to spill into his hand. It hurt beyond words to have to bear Levi's punishment, yet a part of him was only more convinced that Levi was his kind of woman. She had just shown him that she would not break easily in his hands.

He was still face-down on the bed, panting, when she emerged from the bathroom. Without another word, she climbed into bed with him, and for a moment, hope bloomed in his chest.

He realized it was premature to expect forgiveness when she said, "that's about the only thing you'll ever get to see, in case your plan fails and that bitch Burlow wins."

"I'm not giving you up, Levi," he said.

She turned away from him and scooted to the far end of the bed, as far away from him as possible. She would not speak to him, not even when he started to explain his plan to her in detail.


	15. Chapter 15

**A Choice With No Regrets**

 _ **Attack on Titan fanfiction**_

 **By**

 **Blue Sonnet (Nana_41175)**

 **Chapter Fifteen**

* * *

Lying beside Levi on the bed where they had made love, Erwin said, "I should have known that woman was behind the sudden withdrawal of funds for the thirty-third expedition, but it happened too abruptly and I was taken by surprise. The proposal had gone well, and Parliament had already initially approved the expedition as it was privately funded in the first place. At the last minute, Lord Carway, a major sponsor, suddenly pulled his support. There was hardly any explanation. I did not realize at that time that he was one of Lady Burlow's…suitors."

Levi kept silent, still keeping her back to him as she listened carefully to what he had to say.

"It was a blow. Carway made the announcement to me in his private study before the customary party at his estate that night," Erwin said. "No amount of words could make him change his mind. I was desperate. Even though I had made everyone return to base to report on the aborted mission, I stayed behind to attend that party, as I thought I could salvage the situation by talking to some of the other nobles in attendance. And then she came along, as if by magic."

Levi struggled not to cringe.

Erwin went on, "she was initially sympathetic and promised to have a word with Carway about the mission…in exchange for something. It took only ten minutes, but I knew almost immediately that it was a terrible mistake, especially when she said afterward that I was someone she had long desired. I disgusted myself, Levi, though I could not bring myself to regret the mission going back on track. If you will ask me if this is my usual way of obtaining funds, the answer is no. That was my first and last time, executing such unorthodox methods. I never told anyone about it. Not even Mike or Hange knows.

"She was careless though. Her words that Carway was an old friend of hers who could not refuse her anything made me suspicious. I did some digging of my own and soon discovered the clandestine relationship between her and the man. By then she had started hounding me. You already know that part. I would not be subjected to the whims and caprices of a madwoman. I refused all her offers of donations to the Corps and made sure that we would never be alone together again by bringing you or Hange with me at all times. She complained endlessly about you and said you made her uneasy with your… gaze." Here, Erwin smiled. "That was all the more reason to bring you with me whenever a possibility of meeting her existed. Forgive me if I made you uncomfortable with her, Levi."

When Levi remained silent, Erwin continued, "she became more rash as she got frustrated. When she failed with her cajoling, she resorted to threats. Allegations of my 'inappropriately touching' her could surface, she warned in not so delicate terms, if I continued to dodge her overtures. It was a bluff as a full-blown society scandal will be more to her detriment than mine. I responded by ensuring that Lord Carway was made aware of the fact that he was not Lady Burlow's sole suitor. There were two others, apart from Carway whom I had a special score to settle with. The result was the scandal of the capital for weeks, with very public scenes and threats of duels. In the ensuing tumult, I was very conveniently forgotten. Her affairs were widely commented on behind closed doors so she could not easily trace the leak back to me. The indoor scenes between the lady and these gents were even nastier, I heard, and I suppose she thought she could get off the hook by marrying the most non-threatening of the three, but her present husband has quirks of his own, and she has grown tired of him very quickly. I must say the lady does not have any sense when it comes to the men she chooses."

Levi turned around slowly to look at him and said, "that would include you."

Erwin smiled gently. "That would include me," he agreed. "I told you about the husband, Levi. No doubt you'd think he is useless, wrapped up in his own little world. Apparently, his wife thinks so, too. I think differently, based on what I knew of him. He donated to our cause once or twice, you see, in return for heads."

When Levi cocked a brow at him, Erwin elaborated, "he's a collector of wild game— deer, mostly, but also bears and, if we're lucky, elk— the more uncommon and exotic, the better. The Survey Corps does research mostly on titans, but you know very well we also take in other animal and even plant specimens for the natural scientists in the capital, when opportunity permits. Burlow's husband took the heads as trophies in exchange for funding us. He's greedy for them— a hunter obsessed with trophies but who can't be bothered to leave the comfort of his armchair for them. I can imagine him acquiring his wife very much like the animal carcasses he wanted; she'd very conveniently fallen into his lap. He seemed her safest bet, or so she thinks. I happen to know that he has an ugly temper and can be tight-fisted, possessive of his property. Though he might appear sluggish and retiring, it is very easy to picture a man like that would not be happy when he learns that his trophy wife is deserting him. There will be no public scenes— there simply won't be anything afterward."

"How will you convince him then?" Levi asked.

"I won't be able to make a good case of it on my own. I will need you to help me, dar— Levi," Erwin said. For a moment, he looked pained, and his tiny slip did not escape Levi, who felt a tight contraction of the heart at the way Erwin withheld the endearment, as though he were trying his best not to worsen the situation for her.

He continued: "It's perfectly natural that you disliked it when I took that woman's money. I didn't want the money; I wanted the velvet pouches in which the coins were stored. If you will look closely, they are especially embroidered with her personal crest."

As Levi stared at him with widening eyes, Erwin calmly went on, "yes, she might say we stole the money from her. A pouch or two, maybe; but five or six of them in one go, I think not. I need solid proof that she tried to bribe me into deserting my wife."

"You could have told me all of this earlier."

"You know how I operate," he reminded her gently, "all the same I regret having made you go through that ordeal."

Levi gazed at him for a long time before she said, "make good your revenge then."

Erwin gazed back at her, the same fierce light in his eyes as he said, "I intend to, and I would have to make it especially painful, as she has indicated that she had spied on us as we made love."

" _What the fuck!"_ cried Levi, her eyes narrowing as she turned sharply to look at the curtained windows. Thankfully, Erwin had closed and barred them for the night.

Erwin merely nodded. "Rest assured I have something special planned," he said, "and you know very well that I am not a kind man."

* * *

They let the carriage start off a decent way before Levi went off in pursuit. After being cooped up in the cottage for two days, the cool wind felt good on her face. It was time to end this nonsense once and for all.

Gliding through the trees, she had no trouble keeping up with the rumbling carriage, huge and gaudily painted with gilt. She let her hooks sink into the back of the vehicle and she landed so lightly on the roof that the driver did not realize he had another passenger on board. From there, scaling down to the side door was easy.

Levi threw the door open and clambered in, calmly taking in the sole occupant's bulging eyes, his shocked face. "W-what…what is the meaning of this? This is an outrage!" he spluttered.

Before he could raise his voice or utter another word, she tossed him a velvet pouch bulging with coins. "I believe this belongs to your wife," she said, her voice cold. "You ought to advise her against forcing her money on people when her largesse is not desired."

When she knew she had his full attention, Levi went on, "we have much to discuss, Milord, so you won't be doing a lot of travelling today. We'll have to turn back and pick up my husband."

* * *

By the time they arrived at the crossroads where Erwin waited, Milord's face was the color of puce. Speech was beyond him as Erwin, in full uniform just like Levi, boarded the carriage, politely murmuring his excuses before he handed him the rest of Lady Burlow's money.

"I hope it's alright, my lord," Erwin began smoothly. "I've asked your driver to take a break around the woods for about a quarter of an hour."

Across from them, Levi sat with her arms crossed over her chest and watched as the Milord's mouth worked silently, like a fish out of water. He spluttered, "She would _never dare—"_

"I beg to disagree," said Erwin with lethal calm, "I assure you, sir: your wife does dare to do many things. She dares to plan for a fun-filled and adulterous afternoon while you're away. She dares to send away all the servants, and she dares to wait, naked in bed, for another man who is not her husband. Furthermore, she dares to threaten to spread all sorts of rumors against that man if her desires are not met, and she dares to banish his wife, and yourself, on the illusion that she can obtain the man who won't have anything to do with her."

Levi had to admit that Erwin was highly effective, and she almost pitied Milord, the way Erwin had reduced him to a state beyond coherent speech with just a few choice words.

They had the carriage stop several hundred yards away from the villa because, according to Erwin, there was no reason to raise the alarm for the good lady. By that time, there were no more words from Milord, and they watched as he tumbled down the carriage steps in his haste and bolted down the road as fast as his bandy legs could carry him.

"He can very well kill her," Levi pointed out.

"He's not the murdering type. I think he will prefer to torment her for the rest of their days by not granting her a divorce," Erwin replied, "and even if he is in a rage right now, his lordship will find that all possible weapons in the house have been locked up by the servants before they left."

Levi stared at him. "Was that part of your intense preparations these past two days?" she asked.

"I had to make sure I had everything covered," said Erwin solemnly. "It was relatively easy to infiltrate the household. His lordship's valet was quite receptive to an extra gold coin or two—"

"Never mind. I don't want to know," said Levi, her tone flat. "So, what now?"

"Now we go home," Erwin said.

* * *

On the way back to their cottage, they walked side by side but not touching.

Now that the matter with Lady Burlow was over and done with, Erwin felt empty, hollow. The feeling was familiar, reminiscent of expeditions deemed successes but involving a heavy loss of life on the part of his soldiers. This did not feel like a victory, not when he may have broken their bond and lost Levi in the process.

It was stupid of him to risk it. He knew that now. Things between them had changed so quickly in the past week— just over ten days— that Erwin had trouble keeping up and adjusting to the fact that Levi was no longer just a subordinate; she was now his wife.

Things between them were no longer the same, and Erwin was not sure how to read Levi. They moved around each other pretty much the same way as before, only it wasn't exactly the same. He knew that Levi had finally understood his motives fully when he explained everything to her, but that did not mean that she would want him back.

Sleep was a broken thing in the past two days. They had shared the same bed at night, yet he had awakened very early in the mornings to find her gone from his side and curled fast asleep on the sofa in the living room. It had hurt beyond measure to stand there, watching her sleep so far away from him and not being able to do anything about it, not when he had been the cause of her anger and distress. He thought he could make amends the moment the horrendous task of banishing Lady Burlow was over and done with, but Levi was showing no signs of wanting to talk. They walked together but apart, their hands not touching. Levi's eyes were distant as she gazed ahead or at the trees around them. She would not look at him, much less speak to him, and Erwin found that he would not be able to pierce the chill silence between them with his usual eloquence.

Finally, when they got to the cottage, Levi wordlessly made a beeline for the bathroom, as was her habit, leaving Erwin to stand listlessly by the window, looking outside. Now that his guard was down, all the questions he had been holding ruthlessly at bay came rushing back.

What _had_ he wanted when he married Levi? He had dodged the question long enough, and he felt the breath squeezed out of him as he stood there, facing the enormity of the truth he had shied away from ever acknowledging. He knew he did not deserve it, but he had never been so happy as when he was with Levi, and like any man who had never experienced it before, he had found himself intoxicated with it, with her. Love had crept into his heart so gradually that he had never even known the quiet contentment to be a sign of it when she was with him, yet the ghastly loneliness when she was not there had startled him, made him aware that what he was feeling was more intense than usual. The fear that he might lose her had driven him to act as he had never done before. He'd married her before she could be given time to think it through. It was pure selfishness, he knew, and like everything else within his grasp, he had sacrificed the beautiful thing that was Levi's trust for him just so they could win over a woman who was not even worth the fight.

Levi deserved better than this from him. It had delighted him immensely to draw her out of her shell in the past day or two, to realize that she felt something for him in return, but he did not deserve her. He did not deserve to have anything— much less everything— that was good in life.

He felt so tired and knew that Levi must feel even worse. She must surely hate him, or at the very least feel derision toward him.

He had said everything he could think to say. He did not know what else he could do, now that all the cards were on the table for Levi to see. There was one more card up his sleeve, and Erwin felt it was only right to offer it to her, no matter how much it was killing him inside to do so.

He heard movement behind him and knew she was standing by the door.

Slowly, he began to speak: "I'm so very sorry, Levi, for making you go through this. I know you quoted from me that regret should never inform our actions, but I would have to break away from my own words. I've never regretted anything more than forcing you to marry me. I'm no good as a husband. I see that now. I thought…well, it doesn't matter what I thought, but I realize that I'm too set in my ways to ever change. I will only end up hurting you, repeatedly. There will be even more trials for us in the future, more challenges harder to surmount than this one, and I want you to know that you are always free to make the choices you want— the choices you won't end up regretting. I can't make you go through something like this again. I don't have the right to bind you to me in marriage when I cannot ensure your happiness. I've taken more than enough from you when I made you join the Corps. At the very least, you deserve someone who will make you happy, though please know that I will always love you."

"Well," said Levi behind him, after a long moment. "That's quite a lot of sap coming from you."

Erwin laughed bitterly. "I'll have the divorce papers drawn up as soon as we get back to base." He was speaking more quickly now. Quickly, quickly, before his voice broke down. "We've not really begun to unpack, so—"

"Erwin."

"—It would make things easier. I can arrange for a carriage to transport us back after—"

"Shut up, Erwin."

With difficulty, he clamped down on his verbal hemorrhage, his jaw aching from the effort.

"Won't you even look at me when you talk to me?" she asked, her voice soft.

Swallowing hard, Erwin slowly turned around.

He felt his mouth go slack and his aching heart clench and go suddenly still as he took in his wife, clad in nothing but her 3DMG harness and her long brown boots. For a moment, he thought perhaps his mind was playing tricks on him, but then Levi leaned against the doorway, tucking her hands behind her in a pose that made all the blood rush to his groin.

"What are you waiting for, then?" she asked as she gazed at him with lowered lids, her voice like silk. "Come on, big boy."

Wordlessly, he went to her.

* * *

She watched Erwin's approach and noted that all grace was gone from his person as he stumbled against a chair in his haste. His eyes blazed, the anguish in them mixed with something feral. She knew he would not be gentle and she wanted him that way.

He had her against the wall in no time, his body pressed against hers, his trembling hands cupping her face. His mouth descended, all restraint gone as he kissed her hungrily, his breath harsh, almost sobbing. Her arms were locked around his neck, as though she could not bear to let go, and she held onto him until the pain and anguish eased away from him.

They were both panting when she pulled away briefly to say, "Remember what you told me, the first time we met."

"Levi—"

"We can't harbor any regrets, not when they're going to dull our future decisions. I won't have you losing your edge over this, Erwin, and you're right. Vanquishing that woman is nothing compared to the decisions you have to make on the field against the titans. If you think I won't be able to handle you, think again. I won't be your weakness, just as you're not mine. You _can_ be ruthless, and to scheme with that brilliant, devious mind of yours because you're _mine_."

"Oh god, Levi," Erwin said, his voice hoarse, almost a groan, as he realized the truth in her words.

"I told you. Once you're mine, I won't let you go, Erwin," she said. "I won't be able to."

He let out a shuddering breath as she found him, her fingers closing around his hardening length as they worked to free him from the confines of his pants. Their ensuing kisses were savage, almost desperate. There was no shame, no apology as Levi hiked her legs up around his waist and he entered her with a single thrust, long and smooth.

She let out a soft moan as she felt him deep inside her. It seemed like an eternity since she'd felt like this, taken by Erwin even as she took him. She felt him begin to move, short and abrupt, and she realized he only meant to sheath himself into her more fully. His arms were around her, bringing her away from the wall as he carried her across the room. All the while, their bodies remained joined, and Levi could feel every jolt, every shift as he walked carefully with his precious burden toward the bed.

He laid her down slowly on the pristine sheets, yet they knew they must part; Erwin had yet to undress. She felt his reluctant withdrawal from her body like a loss and she slowly sat up, reaching for him even as Erwin struggled to remove his shirt, his pants.

"Levi, don't," he warned as she curled teasing fingers along his hard length, "otherwise things will end too quickly between us."

"Hmm," she said. "I guess you'll have to think of a way around the dilemma, Commander."

She reached out with her tongue to lick at his swollen head, tasting herself on his flesh and reveling in his deep groan, the way his entire body shook beneath her light touch.

"Hurry," she whispered, when Erwin's efforts to undress slowed as he concentrated on the voyage of her mouth on him, one hand cupping the back of her head. "Hurry, Erwin. I want you inside me."

At last he tossed aside the last of his clothing and he lunged for her. "You look delicious," he said, almost growling, "and I seem to remember we left things off rather abruptly the last time."

She smiled as if in agreement. He sank down into bed with her, trying to claim her mouth with his own, but she had other ideas. He groaned as she went back to sucking him, boldly sliding against his body until she felt him part her legs.

She moaned as she felt his tongue on her slit, slowly licking her open. They lay sideways on the bed, intent on resuming the interrupted pleasures from the other day. Erwin was relentless with his kisses, as though they were part of his apology. He quickly brought Levi nearly to orgasm before he shifted away from her, his hands on her hips as he positioned her on her knees.

Levi froze for a moment, uncertain of the new, unfamiliar position— faintly terrifying— until Erwin mounted her. He slid back into her and she groaned aloud at the sharp sensation.

"Levi," he breathed. "So tight. You feel so good."

"Don't be gentle," she said. "Show me how far you can take me."

He did, his movements rough with possession. Levi moaned, her hands fisting on the sheets as Erwin pounded into her. Good, he felt so very good. She felt the pleasure, racing through her, a fire in her blood as he thrust into her.

"Levi, Levi." Her name was a chant, a reverent prayer falling from the lips of the man she loved.

She felt him from behind, leaning in, his arms closing around her and Levi was suddenly hauled to a sitting position on his lap. She let out a small scream as she felt his cock drive even deeper inside her.

"Does that feel good, darling?" he whispered into her ear, his hands on her breasts, sliding down to tease her clit even as he drove himself into her; and all Levi could do was throw her head against his shoulder as she moaned out loud. She felt as though she could melt against him.

"Love you," he rasped as she slid a hand over his head, clutching at him. "Oh god, Levi, I love you so much. So much."

They came almost at the same time, the orgasm building suddenly, sweeping over them— sweetly violent. Levi heard Erwin shout as it took them nearly by surprise.

Afterward, Levi felt his hands on her, tenderly gathering her to him. He kissed her softly over her open mouth. They were still panting, out of breath.

"Yours," Erwin said. "I'm yours, Levi."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Thanks for reading, everyone! We're now almost done with the story, and there's a BIG surprise awaiting Erwin and Levi in the epilogue! Here's the teaser. Enjoy!

 _Erwin reached out a steady hand to cup her pale, trembling face. "Tell me, darling," he implored._

 _Levi's mouth was dry and for a moment she thought she would throw up yet again. It took some time for her to get the words out: "The doctor said…he said I'm…but it's_ not possible!"


	16. Chapter 16

**A Choice With No Regrets**

 _ **Attack on Titan fanfiction**_

 **By**

 **Blue Sonnet (Nana_41175)**

 **Chapter Sixteen**

* * *

"Yours," Erwin said. "I'm yours, Levi."

It should have been the sweetest confession Levi had ever heard, but his voice was so weary, extinguished. Try as he would, he could not keep it from her.

She gazed at him for a moment before she stroked his cheek with the back of one hand. "You don't look very happy," she said.

He let out a heavy sigh. "I am," he said. "You've made me so happy, Levi, and I don't deserve any of this. You deserve a whole person— somebody who is complete and intact— and I'm not any of that, my love."

Finally, the last pieces of the puzzle that was Erwin were settling in place.

Levi settled her head back on the pillow. "So this is what it's all about," she murmured. "Those times when you had that weird, fleeting look in your eyes, and all the while I thought you were having second thoughts about us."

He shook his head vehemently. "No," he said. "Never that."

Levi was silent for a moment before she said, quite calmly, "Remember what I told you. I'm broken. I don't want somebody who is whole and intact. I want someone in pieces, just like me. Somebody like you. Maybe then, together, we'd make a whole person from the remnants of ourselves."

"Levi—"

"I used to look at you and wonder how anyone could be so goddamned perfect," she continued. "Those first few weeks, I'd look at you and think, 'it's not fair.' How was it possible that you'd be gifted with everything while some got nothing at all? But then I got to look at you more closely as the days went by, and I could see the strain you're under— that white line that comes out, sometimes, just under your lower lip— when you have to write so many death notices, all in one evening after an expedition. It turns out you're not made of ice, after all."

Erwin stared at her. "I didn't realize you were observing me so closely," he said. "I thought you never look at me at all."

Levi shrugged. "Well, it seems that you're not the only one who's good at hiding things," she said, "although that constipated look you have in the mornings does give you away at times."

Erwin could not help but smile.

Levi gave him back a faint smile, soft on her lips, almost affectionate. "I suppose it had something to do with that long stick up your ass, the one rammed straight up your spine," she continued.

Erwin's smile became a soft laugh.

"I wondered when you'd crack," Levi said, the smile disappearing from her face. "Day after day, in your office or in Parliament, facing off the critics, the naysayers. Out in the field, with your soldiers dying left and right. And we'd go back inside the walls, only for you to face the screaming families, the scathing words, without so much as dropping your mask, not even for a second. I wondered when this man— so decent and kind and brilliant, forced to sacrifice so much of himself and others— will turn into a monster to vanquish monsters."

"I'm getting there," Erwin assured her. "And it's not fair to you, to be saddled by my—"

"Your men are soldiers, just as I am one," she replied. "We know what we're getting themselves into, and we've got the same goal as you. The fight has been long and bloody, with more blood to be spilled, but somebody's got to lead us to victory, and you'll be the one to do it."

Erwin let out a long breath. "Until you came along, it had seemed so simple. I wasn't expecting to survive long, and I didn't want to. I thought death would be too good for the likes of me. Now…"

"And if you were to die, what is to become of us?"

"Another one will assume the leadership of the Corps. Everyone is expendable, even me," he said.

"That's not true," she said, "and you know it. You're more valuable alive than dead. Everyone needs you. I need you."

She watched as Erwin closed his eyes. "I can't guarantee anything," he said.

"But I want you to _try_ , Erwin. You seem dead set on sacrificing yourself and everyone else when there may be another solution around the corner."

His eyes fluttered open and he gazed at her with something like surprise.

"I want you to try to look at things from another perspective," Levi said. "I want you to look beyond your death as the only means to end things."

"There may not be another way," he said, slowly. "I've thought it through. I've tried searching for another path, another solution, day after day. If there is another way, I would have thought of it by now."

"Yet two weeks ago, you thought I was a man."

She watched as the thought sank in on him, the enormity of it. "There will always be new opportunities," she said, "and so long as you live, you will be able to reach out and grasp them. As long as you're alive."

"Levi," he said. "Oh, Levi."

"You've got to want to live, Erwin. You must allow yourself to be happy, for once."

"I was ready to let go, then you came along," he said, "and something began to change inside me. In my life, I've never wanted anyone or anything more than I've wanted you. It…frightened me, how I could not control myself around you."

"You were frightened?" Levi could not help her pleased tone.

He let out a shaky laugh. "Yes," he said. "You frightened me, darling. The way you held my heart in your hands, and all the while you never even knew."

Levi gazed into his eyes and wished fervently, selfishly, that she could have Erwin's child. Yet it was impossible. She knew that. Her body, muscular and toned, was not built for feminine designs. She very rarely had her periods, and when she bled, they were brief, insignificant intervals which could very easily be hidden. When she started having them in her late teens, her cycles wildly irregular, she had initially thought she was dying. When she finally found out what was the matter with her, she had marveled at other women's tales of bleeding for days on end. She had starved for most of her childhood. She had been told that it had affected the development of her body and she believed what she had been told. She was not fertile, and right now, she could not believe that the day had come when she would regret it.

"Levi," said Erwin, bringing her back to the present.

She could see the question in his eyes and strove hard to recall what he might have said to her while her thoughts were elsewhere.

Based on how he was looking at her, she thought he might have said he loved her.

"I'm not good with words, so I'll just have to show you how I feel about you, Erwin," she said, her hand already sliding up the side of his face.

They kissed, slow and hungry.

She broke away just enough so she could whisper against his lips, "I want so many things from you, Erwin. If only you knew."

She dipped down to touch her lips to his in the lightest of kisses, and she spoke in between each kiss, "…Those nights…in your office...while you were working…how I'd wanted to have you against your desk…or on the sofa…long minutes...when I'd kiss you...and taste the wine from your lips every Friday night.."

She refused to let him deepen the kisses and she heard him growl in frustration as she licked delicately at the seam of his lips before turning her attention to the corner of his mouth, his jaw, the skin of his neck where she felt his leaping pulse.

He gasped as she nipped at him, savoring his scent and the salt on his skin. His arms were around her, his hands possessive, intent on their own purpose, and she shook her head at him.

"I don't want anything," she said, "this is all for you. I want you to be able to let go around me."

"I don't think that's going to be a problem, though I'm afraid I won't be able to rise up to your challenge so soon," he said, his smile mischievous.

"We'll just have to see about that," she said as she trailed her lips down his chest.

He moaned appreciatively as she sucked delicately on his nipples, the touch of her tongue light and teasing. The light rasp of his body hair against her skin changed as she trailed her mouth down his abdomen.

"Levi," he said as he felt her tongue his navel. His hands came down to cup her head and she shook herself free.

"Up," she commanded. "I want to see those arms over your head."

"But—"

"For the rest of the time," she added.

He hesitated for a moment, a pout beginning to form on those firm lips, now slightly swollen from their kisses. She lifted a brow at him and he instantly complied, lifting his hands above his head with a soft grunt.

She loved to see him like this, obedient and completely open to her. She knew it was a novelty for him to be the passive one, yet he seemed to relish it. He watched her as she feasted her eyes on him, his low-lidded gaze sultry, his mouth slightly open to reveal a hint of tongue.

"My man." The words left her lips almost without her knowing it. She felt his flesh leap beneath her fingertips as she reached out to caress the skin of his chest, his abdomen. "Just look at you."

"Uhhh. Levi," he breathed as he arched himself into her touch, her hands trailing slow, hypnotic circles over his skin. She could see him clench and slowly unclench his fingers, but his hands remained still, above his head, as though they had been pinned in place there.

Levi looked down his body and laughed softly. "It seems Little Erwin doesn't really need much help in getting up," she observed, her voice low.

In response, he shifted beneath her, spreading his legs further as her hands glided down over the inside of his thighs. "Touch me," he said, his voice going hoarse. "Please, darling. I need you to… _ahhhh…"_

He hissed out a sharp breath as she licked at him, cradling the broad underside of his cock with her warm, wet tongue. Slowly, her eyes never leaving his, she closed her mouth around him and sucked.

" _Levi!"_ He almost shouted, his head rolling against the pillow and the chords of his neck standing out, his body undulating beneath her as she took him deep into her mouth.

She released him to say, "no."

Erwin froze beneath her, his eyes snapping open in disbelief as he stared at her.

"You've got to watch me, Erwin. Your eyes on me. Only me," she said. "Can you do that, soldier?"

Erwin opened his mouth as if to reply, only to groan aloud as she went back to laving at his dick; but he kept his eyes on her.

He watched, his gaze fixed almost blindly on her as he surrendered to her mouth, her stroking hands. She kept her touch light, backing off when he began to thrust his hips forward and coming back when he calmed down a bit. Yet no matter how much she put it off, he gradually found his rhythm, unstoppable, irresistible.

She knew when he was about to come, and she bore down on him, ready for him as he spilled down her throat. She heard him blaspheme as he had never done as the orgasm overtook him, and all she did was swallow.

"Oh my god," he moaned, over and over, afterward, as she slowly licked him clean. She could still feel his muscles jerking, twitching under her lips as she smiled.

"I love you, too," she said. "You idiot."

* * *

Later.

Much later, he told her all about his father.

* * *

Erwin was right.

After an early dinner, they took a stroll down the tree-lined avenue to find Lady Burlow's villa unoccupied and in shadows against the gathering dusk. It was as though nobody had ever lived there.

"That was fast," said Levi as she stood beside him, their hands linked together

"I knew the man can move when given the proper inducement," he merely said. "Human beings are predictable in that sense."

"That's Humanity for you." Levi's tone was dry. "You still want to save these kinds of people, after everything they've thrown our way?"

"My darling Levi," said Erwin, laughing. "There's more to Humanity than these people."

"Is there?"

"There's you," he said, his eyes very blue against the fading light, and indescribably tender. "You're right. You've given me so much, Levi, and perhaps your greatest gift to me is a much-needed change in perspective about how I ought to regard life, and the fight ahead. I did not realize that fighting for Humanity as an abstract concept and fighting for someone you love could be so different, but they are."

Levi huffed out a breath. "I don't need to be saved, you know."

"Well, let's save Humanity together then, darling," Erwin said.


	17. Epilogue

**A Choice With No Regrets**

 _ **Attack on Titan fanfiction**_

 **By**

 **Blue Sonnet (Nana_41175)**

 **Epilogue**

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** Oh, my goodness! We're done! Thank you so much for all your kind reviews and support! What a ride this has been! It's been a while since I completed a fic, and hopefully, this would mean that the muse has permanently returned after her prolonged sulk. I could not have done it without all of you cheering this fic on at tumblr (you all know who you are!).

Also, **Tamaliaa** and **Lidoshka** made fanart for this fic! Thank you so much for thinking it worthy!

The adventures of fem!Levi and Erwin are not yet over, stay tuned for a new three-part story involving Levi's new...ahem...condition, and of course, additional ficlets and side stories can be found at **Drabbles** , to be updated as often as possible.

Thank you so much for reading!

* * *

Work was the same when they finally rejoined the Corps: never ending, compounded now with new military directives to start the recruitment and training of women soldiers. Still, they had never been so happy and content as the days passed by and Erwin's new policies gained structure and form.

Levi was right: he had changed so much that people wondered aloud if he were the same Erwin Smith who left for his honeymoon with his new bride mere weeks ago. At first, the familiar, nagging guilt had chewed at him, but it seemed that Levi was right yet again. Gone was his stilted, overly scripted approach that some people found unsettling. The soldiers all sensed his new, more relaxed and spontaneous demeanor and, rather than resent him for his newfound happiness, they appeared to warm more to him than before. Levi had merely shrugged when he first told her of his findings.

"You sound amazed," she had said. "We'd all follow you anywhere, Erwin, but is it really so hard to believe that your soldiers would prefer a leader who doesn't have a death wish?"

He had not thought of it that way before. It turned out he had worried over his soldiers' reactions for nothing, over the years, though he did not realize just how long he had slowly allowed his heart to petrify; the need he had to be seen by his men as a cold automaton with all emotions locked away, as though they were dangerous things best kept in the darkness that was slowly consuming him from the inside. He was a fool to think it would make him look strong for his men. In just a matter of weeks, Levi had done the impossible: she had single-handedly reached out to pull him back from the precipice where he stood, and in the process, she had turned his heart of stone back to a living, beating thing of flesh and blood.

"You must be able to forgive yourself," Levi had said when Erwin had told her all about his beloved father and his role in his father's death.

"It's not that simple, Levi."

"No, it's not, but you can't let the guilt hang over you for the rest of your life, so much so that you can't take in the bigger picture from any other angle. Your dreams of saving Humanity and discovering the truth outside the walls will remain intact, and the achievement of your goals doesn't have to mean at the cost of your own life. You've got other hopes and other dreams to live for, now. And there must be no regrets."

He had looked at her and known that she had spoken the simple truth. There were no regrets, and he had slowly begun to let go of the guilt, the self-loathing. He never imagined just how blessed a relief it was to hear from someone that he could let it all go, and the lifting of that heavy emotional burden from his shoulders had left him feeling like a new man.

Truly, he had underestimated what it meant to love someone and be loved in return, and when they were back to their normal routine, they made a game of it, to appear cool and professional during working hours (although Levi would declare that he was losing the game as his gaze was too obviously fond whenever he looked her way); but after dinner, after he was done with his paperwork and their bedroom door was shut behind them, the velvet gloves were off and they played a different set of games. Erwin was afraid that he would not be able to conceal his inordinate delight in the tigress that he had married— alternately playful and fiercely sensual, wonderfully unpredictable and willing in bed.

"Oh god, that was unbelievable," he groaned after a particularly memorable session of lovemaking.

Levi propped herself up on an elbow and gave a low laugh. "No, what's unbelievable is the number of years you have denied yourself this kind of contact. When I was new here, I thought you had some girlfriends or mistresses tucked away somewhere, or you carried on with a string of one-night stands, at least; but no. Not even the Wall priests are this abstemious."

He gave a dry laugh. "I was trying to avoid unnecessary emotional entanglements," he replied. "Not to mention the fact that they're mere distractions."

"Is that what I am, then?" demanded Levi. "A distraction?"

Erwin laughed softly as he gathered her to him. "The best kind," he murmured, trailing soft kisses down her shoulder. "You're my respite, my one consolation. I can only ever find peace when your arms are around me."

Levi huffed. "Of course, now that you've been released from your bondage, you're a dead man if I catch you so much as flirting with another woman," she warned.

Erwin merely grinned. "That's highly unlikely, unless she happens to be you," he said as she settled back into his arms. At the back of his mind, a thought slowly formed, lingering even as he tried to shrug it off.

 _Just where could this all lead to?_

* * *

Another three months passed before something did happen.

A few days after their most recent expedition, Levi woke up dizzy and nauseous.

"It must have been something I ate last night," she said to him as he hovered anxiously by the bathroom door.

"We all ate the same thing last night," he replied.

"Well, something must have been wrong with my portion," she insisted, resting her forehead tiredly against the side of the commode after she had retched out the remnants of her evening meal. "What else could it be?"

"I'll summon the doctor."

"There's no need to raise a fuss. I will rest for another hour or so," said Levi. "In fact, I feel slightly better now."

She was better in the afternoon, but when it started all over again the next morning, Erwin called for the infirmary doctor, heedless of her protests.

He had a meeting to attend to, but when he was pulled abruptly from it, he knew.

The walk back to the living quarters he shared with Levi seemed long, even unreal, but he was calm, so very calm despite his pounding heart.

He opened the door and found the doctor had gone out briefly. Levi lay on her side of the bed, her face ashen, hands nervously fisted on the sheets. She did not appear to notice him until he had sat himself down beside her on the bed. Her gaze, when it locked onto his, was incredulous and deeply frightened.

Erwin reached out a steady hand to cup her pale, trembling face. "Tell me, darling," he implored.

Levi's mouth was dry and it took some time for her to get the words out: "The doctor said…he said I'm…but it's not possible!"

"You're pregnant," he said, with no surprise whatsoever, and his glad tone seemed to calm her immediately, ease the tension from her shoulders. "Oh my god, Levi. That's wonderful!"

"You knew!" she said accusingly, her voice muffled against his jacket as his arms were instantly around her, pressing her to him in a tight hug.

"I…hoped," he said, his lips tender as they grazed her ear. "Every time we made love."

"But I'm barren!" she wailed, giving vent now that her head was shielded by his shoulder.

"Well, we can lay that theory to rest now," he said a bit ruefully.

He felt her punch him on the side of his arm. "And you! You just blindly believed me! You never even thought to take precautions-"

"I…made a gamble," he replied. "Please tell me you did, too, Levi— that the possibility did occur to you, no matter how remote."

When she was silent, he pressed on, "I want this child, our child. I never thought I would live to say this, but I want…everything with you, darling. So please…please…"

He could not bring himself to finish what he hoped to say— it was all up to Levi whether she wanted this or not— and she merely leaned her head against his chest. Alarm bloomed inside him as he felt the moisture soak into his white shirt. It was the first time he had ever seen her cry.

"Levi…" Dismayed, he did not know what to say.

She shook her head vigorously. "No. I…" she quelled her sobs with difficulty. "I want your baby, Erwin. So much. And I thought it was impossible."

"Oh, thank god," he groaned, turning his head to pepper the side of her face with kisses. He knew he looked ridiculous— the Commander, Humanity's Strongest, nearly melting with relief as he held his precious wife, as he rocked her gently to and fro in their tight embrace.

"No regrets then," he said as he leaned down to kiss her mouth.

"I smell of puke," she protested, embarrassed, and when he merely laughed, she said, quite softly: "no regrets."


End file.
